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It’s easier to be mad right now. Each week I have pulled away from him more and more, just so unsure of the future—but after this week, there is no denying what lies ahead.
“So, I hear you’re a big Yankees fan?” Zack Liddel, the newly acquired Yankees centerfielder, asks from beside me. Normally, I would totally be fan-girling over all these baseball men in my presence, but unfortunately, I’m unable to appreciate the talent in the room due to one particular hotshot clouding my brain.
“Yep, my whole life. Congrats on the trade,” I say, leaving out the part that I usually cheer for the Carolina Bulls these days, because at the moment I am still way too pissed at their star closer.
“We should do body shots.” Zach finally glances away from my cleavage and down at the half-chugged bottle of tequila in my hand.
Hashtag spiral squad. I’m in the mood to be toxic tonight.
“I’m down. Come on, the salt’s over there.” I nod back toward the couch Eli is sitting on, chatting with Hunter Jones, one of the pitchers for the Yankees who used to play with him in Carolina.
Picking up the saltshaker, I finally make eye contact with Eli. “Zack wants to do body shots. Anyone else down?”
I hold my head high, pretending my spiteful actions feel good, but the minute Eli stands with poison in his eyes, I know I went too far.
“No, the fuck you aren’t,” Eli practically growls and snatches the saltshaker out of my hand.
He turns back toward Hunter, who must have said something to piss him off. His words cut deep. Words I would have killed to hear just months ago. But now everything has changed.
“You’re right. She is my best friend. But she’s alsomygirl.” He repeatedly thrusts his finger into his own chest.Mine.
“So, tell your boy to back the fuck up.” Then his vicious gaze turns back to Zack to make sure he is crystal clear on what’s being said. His actions cause a flood of emotions to take over my half-drunken state.
“Don’t call me that,” I barely whisper, pain in every word.His girl… his girl, that’s all I ever wanted to be.
“Not after all these years. You don’t get to do that now, not now.” My throat’s scratchy and clogged with weeks’ worth of emotions I have been trying to hold in.
Rage takes over. How could he do this to us? He always promised me I would be the only one he went unprotected with. Now look what’s happened. Someone else is going to be the mother of his child. She gets to have a piece of him. A piece I may never get.
I feel so out of control right now.
“Shouldn’t you be at home… checking on a particular someone? Hmmm, maybe… Oh, I know… the mother of your unborn child!” The pain in his eyes gives me little satisfaction.
The anger and hurt I sense radiating off of him as he throws me over his shoulder and carries me out of the VIP section only adds to my own matching mood.
“Quinn, you are making me crazy… fucking lethal.” The tequila spinning in my upside-down brain makes me a weak opponent in the fight I want to put up right now.
“How do you think I fucking feel?” I scream as I wail my fists into his back.
I hear the creak of a door and the cold December breeze blows across my minidress-clad body.
Eli slides me down his front, never loosening his grip on me. “I have no idea, Q… because you won’t fucking open up. You’ve shut down on me.”
But she’s also my girl.
His words from before are fresh in my mind. I stare into his eyes, a deeper blue tonight. So full of emotion. For a split second, I let all the pain go and I sear my lips into his. He instantly opens for me. A piece of me that died last week comes alive with just the tangle of his tongue with mine. This man is my strength and my demise. The weakness I felt when I saw him with her has me breaking our contact. I slam my fist into his chest, pushing him away from me as hard as I can. He doesn’t move much, but enough for me to walk farther down the empty alley.
I miss him.
I want him.
He hurt me… But I know he didn’t mean to.
I miss him so much.
I love him.
I’m so fucking weak for him.
