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“Right before Thanksgiving, about a week after I came back from helping Sloan pack up in California, I started noticing a few symptoms. Dizziness, queasiness, and my period had been way lighter than normal. I took a test three days before I had a major pain episode like I did tonight, and it was positive. I wanted to have an official appointment before telling you since you were already going through so much uncertainty at the time. But I ended up in the ER before I ever got to have my appointment.
“When I got to the emergency room, the doctor confirmed my cervix was opening, and I was having an active miscarriage. The ultrasound also showed that my right ovary looked to be covered by a large cyst. They assumed this may have been the cause of my miscarriage. My tube wasn’t twisted like last night, but the cyst that had burst was very painful.
“My parents, Sloan, Ava… no one else knows about any of this. I honestly thought about telling them so many times, but I could never gain the courage to talk about it again. With Gemma, she knew all the details, so I didn’t have to rehash anything. I also never wanted to ask Sloan to keep that from you… I knew that wouldn’t have been fair of me. So, a few months later, I had a laparoscopic procedure that Gemma accompanied me to. The surgery showed that I did have a cyst, but there was a lot of endometriosis, which is like scar tissue covering my right ovary as well.”
“Was last night the first time you’ve had any issues since then?” Eli asks, placing his hand gently over the heating pack on my stomach.
“There were a few other mild episodes since then, but nothing that sent me to the emergency department like this. It sounds like the big cyst they were able to drain last night is what caused my tube to twist.” I cover his hand with my own, trying to ease the tension I see in his shoulders.
“After seeing you like that… I hate thinking of you going through that often. Is there a cure or medications you can take?” His worried eyes search mine.
“Well, that’s kind of complicated. Pregnancy is actually really good for endometriosis, but the disease itself also makes it hard to get pregnant. As far as medications go, there are more options for that once you are done having babies. Because the meds can impact you in other ways.”
Honestly, endometriosis is beyond frustrating at times, and there isn’t a lot that can be done for it, but I consider myself fortunate that I don’t have constant debilitating pain like some do.
“Whatever you need, I am here for you. I don’t want you in this type of pain again, Q… I’ll call in a favor, talk to some people, and we can go see a specialist that deals with this type of thing next week.”
“Thank you, E. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you… not just about our baby, but also about the fact that it may be difficult for me to get pregnant again. I’m not even sure that’s something you want since you already have the twins, but either way, I should have told you.”
After my miscarriage and the diagnosis of Endometriosis, fertility has been my biggest concern. And at times, it plagues my mind no matter how much I try to ignore the negative thoughts.
“Baby, I have everything I need… it's more that it would be a shame for more children not to be blessed with you as a mother. After seeing you with our girls… it's truly something special.” His thumb grazes the dimple of my chin lovingly. “There are lots of options, and once you are ready to try, I am totally planning on making that baseball team of Barton’s happen for you one way or another.” I sit up, wanting to kiss him, but grimace when I remember I had surgery less than twelve hours ago.
“Are you okay? Is your pain back?” he asks me when he sees me wince.
“Yes, I feel ten times better… just some tenderness with movement,” I reassure my sweet man.
He lets out a sigh of relief. “I have always seen myself as a tough guy… if anyone has ever made me weak, it's been you, but seeing you last night...” He shakes his head like the memory itself hurts him. “You were shaking, the pain was so agonizing, and I couldn’t handle it, Queenie. I would have given anything to take it away.”
“Thank goodness for my hotshot pitcher who carried me inside,” I say, gaining the first smile out of him all day.
“I’m just glad no one tried talking baseball to me… I probably would have lost my shit and been on the front of the Charlotte Times by the morning paper.”
I giggle at the truth of his statement. “I’m just ready to get home to our girls.”
“If the way they were both yelling for “Mama” earlier on FaceTime wasn’t obvious enough, they want you home too.”
* * *
Eli
As I help Quinn into my truck, my phone vibrates with a text from my agent. I’ve asked him to get me some local contacts so that I can personally arrange an appointment for Quinn with the best specialist in the city. I don’t throw my weight around as a pro athlete often, but I won’t hesitate to do so when it comes to this… to her.
“Do you have a heating pad at home? If not, we can hit up that Walgreens on our way. I can run in really quick for you.”
“I have one at home. Thank you, though.”
“Can I ask you something, Eli?” Her voice sounds unsure.
“Anything.” I grab her hand in mine and rest them against the center console.
“Are you sure you aren’t going to wake up tomorrow and be mad at me? I just want to hash it out tonight. Please don’t take it easy on me because of my pain. It will hurt me more to think we are good and then realize we aren’t.”
“Quinn, how could I be mad at you? Does it suck I didn’t know sooner? Of course, but I know you as my best friend. I understand you were putting me first when you made that decision while also trying to lessen your own pain. If I am mad at anyone, it's myself. The situation was completely fucked back then.”
It physically hurts me to know that Quinn went through this without me… that we could have another baby together, just a little younger than the girls. I can’t help but picture a hurt and scared Quinn going through that alone. Just the thought feels like a vice grip around my heart. I have to remind myself of what we have now—how far we have come and the future we have to look forward to. I know she needs the strongest version of me at the moment.
“The love I have for you has been growing since I was ten years old. It changes but never wavers. No matter what the past or future holds… you were always meant to be mine.” I lift her hand to my lips. “So, trust and believe when tomorrow comes, the only thing I am going to feel is complete happiness to be waking up beside you.”
