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“Survivor’s guilt is a real thing. And I can’t even begin to imagine how it was for you to lose somebody so close.”
I was close with my mom, but to lose atwin? How do you recover from that?
Prescott’s gaze grows distant. Physically, he’s in bed with me, but mentally, he’s far, far away. “He was the best. It was never supposed to be him. God knows my parents would have preferred it was me.”
“Don’t you dare say that.”
I try to remember the couple from the restaurant. I didn’t pay them much attention that day, but I clearly remembered Prescott storming out of the restaurant mid-dinner. I remembered his dad punching him and the ugly words he said.
How does somebody,a parent,say something like that to their child?
I couldn’t understand what they were dealing with when they lost a son, but that didn’t excuse their behavior toward Prescott. I wanted to punch them for hurting him the way they did, even more now.
“Jade…”
“No,” I shake my head, refusing to listen to this. “What happened was a shitty thing, but it’s not your fault.”
“But what if it is?”
“It isn’t,” I say sharply. Letting out a shaky breath, I change the subject.
“What was he like?” I ask softly. “Gabriel?”
“Funny,” Prescott chuckles, and this time it even reaches his eyes. “He had the stupidest jokes, but he made everybody smile. I swear he could charm everybody. It was so natural for him. People loved him.” Prescott glances at me. “You’d have liked him way more than you do me.”
“As if that’s hard.” I nudge him with my elbow. “What else?”
“He was brave and resilient. He never let anybody bully him, or me for that matter, regardless of the fact that he was the smallest out of all the people in our year. He was always so optimistic and cheerful, making sure to make us smile.” The smile that was growing on his face as he recalled his brother, slowly slips away. “Until cancer took him.”
Cancer.
My eyes fall shut as his words echo in the quiet room so loud I can hear them ringing in my ears.
“C-cancer?” I repeat, my voice breaking at that one word.
“Leukemia. He got it for the first time when we were seven. He was in and out of the hospital for years, and when we finally thought things were getting better…” He shakes his head and shrugs. “Yeah.”
This can’t be happening. It just can’t. Out of all the people…
“Jade?” His fingers slip under my chin, nudging my head up. Those dark eyes fixing on me. I swear it’s like he can see to my very core. He sees all of me. All the shattered pieces, and he isn’t afraid. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not okay.
“Sure,” I blink a few times, pushing back the tears. “Talking about cancer… it’s just hard.”
Prescott nods in understanding. His palm cups my cheek, thumb sliding over the cheekbone and wiping away the tear. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“You didn’t. I’m glad you shared Gabriel with me.”
“It felt good. Talking about him. Remembering him. Good, not just the bad. It still hurts, but…”
“It’s dulled?” I suggest.
“Yeah, a little.”
I knew that feeling well. I don’t think the pain will ever completely go away, but somehow, it’s not as intense as it used to be before.
Prescott stares at me, neither of us saying anything. His finger traces the curve of my lower lip, his gaze falling to my mouth.
