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“He was just being so rude and accusing me of only taking the internship to land a MRS and date the other partner, and it was so infuriating, and I wanted to put him in his place, but now I just feel like an idiot and a fool, and I have to have a boyfriend there.” I took a deep breath after all those words.
“So then you need to download a dating app and get to searching.” Chelsea grabbed my phone. “How many do you want to join?”
“None.” I sighed. “I hate dating apps.”
“Well, we could go to a bar, and I can help you find a man.” Chelsea pretended to start kissing someone, and I remember the guy from the bar that had been way too friendly during my quick peck, and I shuddered.
“No thanks.” I shook my head. “I don’t want some greasy ol’ disgusting…” My voice trailed off as Chelsea started dancing. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I was dancing to your song.” She giggled. “Step aside, Carrie Underwood, we have a new singer on the block. May I introduce you to my sister, the one, the only, Polly Campbell.”
“You are an idiot.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes at my sister’s antics. “Harriet, do you have any sensible suggestions or are you also going to act like a fool?”
“I mean, I don’t think you have many options, Polly.” She shrugged, and I could tell she was trying not to laugh as Chelsea sang something about riding on a motorbike to a dark cave to make love. I couldn’t wait until Chelsea found herself in a complicated position. I was going to be such a bitch to her.
“Fine. I will sign up for a dating app. But just one. I don’t have the time or energy to be on multiple apps.” I grabbed my phone back from Chelsea. “I can sign up myself, thank you.”
“But you know you’re not going to sell yourself as well as I can.”
“I’m not for sale.” I pouted as I downloaded an app. “I am a respectable young lady looking for a respectable young man.”
“What is this? Victorian England?” Chelsea giggled. “Excuse me, sir, did I see your eyes perusing my bosoms? If so, off with your head.”
“I don’t think they were cutting off heads in Victorian England.” I stuck my tongue out at Chelsea. “More like Elizabethan England.”
“Oh, thank you for the history lesson, Professor Gates.”
“Who?” I frowned at her.
“Henry Louis Gates, he’s a historian that helps people figure out their roots,” Chelsea said in her matter-of-fact,I’m so much smarter than youway. “I thought you would have known that.”
“Why?” I took a deep breath. “Why would I have known that?”
“Girls.” Harriet held her hands up and cleared her throat. “Let’s focus. I don’t have much time. I told Finn that I was going to make a lasagna tonight.”
“And he wants to try it?” I asked her innocently, trying not to laugh as Chelsea pretended to gag.
“He always tries my food.” Harriet glared at me, and then she giggled. “He doesn’t always like it, but he’ll try it.”
“Girl, just buy a Stouffers lasagna from Publix and call it a day.” Chelsea shrugged. “He’s not going to know.”
“We promised we weren’t going to keep anything from each other anymore.” Harriet shook her head. “And I found an easy recipe, and I think I can make it.”
“Whatever you want to do,” I said, holding up my phone. “Now let’s focus on me, please. What photos should I upload to my profile?”
“Definitely that photo of you in the bikini at Fort De Soto Beach from last month,” Chelsea said. “The one I took of you when you were coming out of the water.”
“My bikini top was almost translucent.” I glared at her. “Men will get the wrong idea if they see that.”
“You need to get a guy fast, right?” Chelsea asked, shrugging. “Men are attracted to sexy women. But sure, go ahead and put up a boring pic of you as a ugly witch from last Halloween. You’ll get lots of guys with that photo.”
“I was going to use a photo of me from graduation.”
“Booooring,” Chelsea called out, and Harriet nodded in agreement.
“That’s not going to attract a guy.” She paused. “Especially because you need one asap. Didn’t you say you wanted him to attend an event with you this weekend?”
“Friday.” I wrinkled my nose and buried my face in my hands. “Fine. I will use the sexy photo, but if anyone sends me dick pics, I will forward them to you both. Every single one of them.”
