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A single tear escaped. “I know,” I whispered. “And maybe that’s harder than being alone. I don’t know. I’m so fucked up right now. Even more than usual.”
The men chose that moment to walk back in, but Keltan and Lucy’s living room was large and open plan, which meant they were out of earshot, loitering by the kitchen, as if they sensed the lady powwow wasn’t over.
That didn’t stop my eyes from locking with Luke’s, finding home there.
Lucy smiled. “Despite popular opinion, babe, love doesn’t make you feel good all the time. Fuck, it doesn’t make you feel good most of the time. You’re handing another person your heart, you soul, your sanity.” She paused and raised her brow at me. “Not that you’ve got much left to give, but you’re giving that all to one person to look after. To treasure. And there’s pain that comes with that. And fear, constant fear. It doesn’t feel good to hand yourself off to someone else. It makes you more vulnerable. You just need to find that right person who treasures you enough to forsake themselves to take care of what you gave them, even on your worst days. Even when they don’t particularly like you, they should treasure you.” She paused, glancing up to her husband. “They’re rare, those men. Not everyone gets them. Definitely not enough women who deserve them. So don’t do the ones who are never going to have that a disservice by throwing it away because of fear. Because that love isn’t recyclable. He isn’t going to use it on another woman, just like you would never go through all the pain and suffering you’ve gone through for anyone but Luke. You’re it for each other. I know it. And you sure as shit know it, so quit screwing around.”
I blinked at her. “Wow,” I said. “You’ve gotten really deep since I’ve been gone.” I looked her up and down. “And bossy.”
She grinned. “Staring death in the face will do that to you.” She looked back to her husband again, her gaze like a magnet, never wavering from the thing that tethered it for too long. Keltan was already looking at her. “Staring life in the face will do that to you too.” With great effort, she moved her eyes back to me. “And you’ve looked at both of those things. Don’t go looking for the former anymore. We’ve had enough.”
I looked back to Luke, then back on our history. To all the separations and hurt and drama that came with love for my family. I was making it so much fucking harder than I needed to. Of course, I couldn’t realize that myself. Luke couldn’t even make me realize that. There were some jobs in life that only girlfriends, true soul mates, could do just right.
I didn’t know what to say. Mostly because there was nothing to say. I was getting educated.
And I didn’t have time to say anything.
“Rosie,” Luke called.
I snapped my head up.
He was crossing the distance to us, and he’d called my name obviously because he knew we were talking girl stuff and he wanted to warn me that he was coming into earshot. It was an old Luke gesture, coming from this stoic-faced, black-clad, ripped impostor.
“We’re going,” he declared, standing beside me and holding out his hand in invitation.
I looked at the hand, then to Lucy. She gave me a ‘what the fuck are you looking at me for?’ kind of look.
My eyes crept upward to the new Luke.
His face was still etched in granite, jaw covered by stubble, but his eyes had turned liquid.
Lucy’s words bounced around in my head.
I took his hand.
The drive back to my place was quiet. But not silent, despite the fact that neither of us said a word.
We didn’t need to. The tension in the air fizzled around and snapped at our consciousness in a way words couldn’t.
Luke was driving.
I hadn’t said a thing as he’d taken the keys from me, gently running his thumb over the top of my hand as he did so. As soon as he’d gotten onto the street, his hand had found my thigh and stayed there the whole time.
I didn’t move it.
He parked in the lot of my apartment building and neither of us moved, even though he’d turned off the car.
Then we did move.
I wasn’t sure which of us did it first. Maybe it was me.
But our lips and tongues and teeth were clashing together moments after we sat silent across from one other.
He was everywhere with that kiss. His hands tore through my hair, roughly and painfully, a continuation of that day at the offices. But this time it was private, just him and me, nothing else.
And I dove in, let that drown me. Until I really thought of him and me. The bodies, the pain, the fucking demons.
