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“I’ll be out soon.”
That reminded him. “I think they probably want you back in your room. They wanted to keep an eye on you.”
“I know. I’m tired.”
“I suppose if I don’t take you back, they’re going to be coming for you.”
“Let them come. I think that was far better for my mental health to work through this, remembering and being reminded of the need to live out what I believe, to ease my mind, and let me know that this was something that I didn’t need to worry about. Not Kathleen, since she’s in God’s hands, and myself or my business either, since that’s in God’s hands too.”
“God sometimes uses people to help. That would be me. That’s why I’m here.”
He wanted her to admit that, wanted her to accept his help, and even if they weren’t quite thinking of themselves as a team, even if they didn’t have a relationship yet, he wanted to be the one she looked to, but he couldn’t force it. Although, he could let her know that that was what he wanted.
“I... I hope that eventually, it might be possible for you and I to be a mom and a dad, together, for Kathleen. I’m not just saying that because I want the best for Kathleen. I’m saying that because what we did, I know it was wrong, but I don’t think it was something that either one of us normally did, because there is something there between us. And if we go on the assumption that God did this partially to give you and me time to spend together, then maybe we ought to keep our eyes open to the idea that perhaps we were meant to be together.”
She stayed still, staring at his shirt, not moving, but he could tell she was listening.
She had relaxed a little, wasn’t nearly as tense, and no longer looked like she was ready to break. In fact, she almost looked peaceful.
“That makes sense. I guess I have trouble believing that somebody wants me—”
“I do!”
“And all the other issues, trying to trust, that we already talked about. But you’re right. I can hardly sit here and say that it looks like God did this so that we would have the opportunity to spend time together and then turn my mind off to the possibility. I... I agree with you.”
“Nice. You want to tell me exactly what you agree with me about?” he teased her.
But she didn’t smile. “About what you said. Neither one of us normally does what we did. I know I don’t, and there definitely is something about you. You... Even when you’re not holding me, or giving me visions of my child in heaven that almost make me wish that we were there together, and rushing me to the hospital, and making me feel like I’m valued and wanted, even when none of that is going on, I find you...to be exactly the kind of man I’ve always dreamed about.”
His heart stumbled, and his lips wanted to curve up into the biggest smile his face had ever seen, but he couldn’t allow it to happen. Didn’t want her to... Why not? Why didn’t he want her to see it?
He allowed the grin that wanted to stretch his face apart to be as wide as it wanted to be.
“You have to know those words were just about the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
“This is the weirdest place to be romantic, but I actually feel...a calm. A total peace.”
“The peace that passes understanding?”
“Yeah.” She had a look of wonder on her face. “I hadn’t considered that, but yeah, like the peace of God has settled in my soul, and a calm assurance that everything is going to be okay. Not that Kathleen is not going to die, maybe she will, but that everything is going to be okay because God is in control.”
“I’ve been praying for God’s peace. I think He answered my prayer. I have a real good feeling about everything. Not that everything is going to be easy, but like you said, that everything’s going to work out.”
