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Now it was my time to take a minute to reply as I thought of what to write.
D: I’m running low on supplies, and I thought you may want to know I’ll be going tomorrow to the convenience store. Great, now I’d made myself go outside.
Blue: What time were you planning?
D: After lunch?
Blue: Can it wait until six?
After I read his text, I felt guilty. Ilias wanted to be here when I did, probably even go with me. And here I was making a bogus run to the store.
D: I thought your shift starts at seven?
Blue: I’ll pick you up at six. Now go to sleep.
Leave it to Ilias to ignore my question, I chuckled.
D: Are you good with staying up all night?
Blue: you are still not asleep?
This time I laughed, damn him for making me want to keep messaging him.
D: Night, Novak.
Blue: Goodnight, Davina.
Thirteen
Davina
As a ritual, I woke up and looked out the window, only to feel disappointment when Ilias’s car wasn’t there. I had an urge to text him, but as the digital clock on my nightstand read fourteen minutes past eight, the last thing I wanted was to disturb him while he rested, or worry him.
Bo barked as he sat by the closed bedroom door, ready to be let out.
“Sorry, Bo,” I grumbled, wiping sleep away from my face and I smiled as we made our way down the stairs and into the backyard.
I’d slept through the entire night. A wave of relief knowing there was a possibility I could move on, a possibility of healing from the wounds of the past.
It was a start, and I was okay with that. I felt hope once again, and I knew the person who had helped make it happen, Ilias. I was becoming attached to him. I could feel it in the way my mind would constantly veer to thoughts of him, the way my eyes always searched for him, but what was more dangerous was the way my body began reacting to his presence. Daydreams created an ache with visions of his touch on my body had my legs squirming.
The memory of the way he held me into place with his rough hand firmly applying pressure on my chest yesterday filled me with unspoken promises. I craved the idea of being with a man that could control my body, having power with a single touch.
The future of what could be tortured me, the unknown of what would or wouldn’t happen after this was over. Would I always be running? Would I end up dead and be taken to the unknown? Or would I be fully safe to roam the streets without worry? And if so, would Ilias only be a part of the past?
I was never one to have meaningless sexual encounters. I developed feelings, attachments, and even thought of the possibilities of a future with my partners. Not that there had been many. Two to be exact. My first was Theo, my high school best friend who soon became more than a friend, until he went away to college and I stayed behind to take care of a sick mother. After my mother passed away from heart failure, I was quick to find someone to fill at least an inch of the void of being alone. Ricky. We were good together, at least in the bedroom, because we hardly spent time together during the day. After two years, we realized it was best to say our goodbyes.
I’d grown attached to them, but I couldn’t say it was love. It was more of exploring and finding myself with each relationship. Maybe this was what was happening with Ilias.
Was I growing attached to him due to the situation? The insecurity and fear?
Maybe I was unable to form a normal relationship, but was anything really ever normal? All I had was a definition created by society, and I’d adjusted through my circumstances.
As the day went by, and time reminded me Ilias would be here soon, I paid closer attention to my appearance and gave away how this was more than adjusting to the circumstances.
With the threat of dying looming every day, my mind threw its hands in the air and said, live in the moment, it may be all you have.
I opened my front door, and Ilias’s messy wet hair and fresh scent greeted me. I became mute and frozen by his presence. His black and red flannel shirt was open and loose around his waist, and his strong forearms were visible with the rolled-up cuffs. The black shirt underneath stretched over his torso.
