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“Talk to me,” I whispered.
Lucca took a deep breath and exhaled into the receiver.
“Why are you awake?” his deep and raspy voice asked.
“I can’t sleep,” I admitted.
“I will talk as long as possible before the call drops. But first, answer me.” He paused. “How bad is it?”
Of course he knew. Lucca slept lightly, any small stirs or sounds quickly awakened him. My tossing and turning hadn’t gone unnoticed. But as I’d struggled with new feelings, and their revelations followed by the fear he’d inflicted, I’d stayed away. I was furious with him and ignored his presence, acting as if the life I’d taken didn’t bother me. I believed he wouldn’t notice it or sense it in those days. However, Lucca had always seen through my farce, lies, and deceit since the first day we met.
Once again, darkness failed me. Instead of concealing my troubled mind, it revealed it in its shade.
“It’s just me, Katia. I won’t fault you or speak of it again.” While his voice was firm and cold, they spoke in truth.
“It’s the silence.”
“What happens in the silence?”
“Dreams break my peace. No, not dreams. Vivid memories.” My hand slithered away from Vino’s soft coat, and I covered my closed eyes, pushing my palm against them as if it could erase the images.
“I don’t think I have it in me to be a coldhearted killer,” I uttered.
“Want to know what I think?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have tohave it in youto thirst for death.Ithink you are strong. I am convinced that your mind slips away as you take a life but returns shortly after foryouto acknowledge it. And I think after you do, it will never bother you again.”
“What if you are wrong?”
“I’m never wrong,” he stated.
“Talk to me,” I repeated, hoping this time my admission could die along with the memories.
Lucca stayed quiet for a short while and eventually gave in.
“Are you sure? Anything I say won’t ease your mind.”
“Yes,” I answered, and Lucca spoke without aim, freeing words and tales of his past.
“I don’t like tomato soup because it was what I mainly ate at the orphanage. Talia’s father, Carlo, used to pass basil around to the boys, and I used to stash them for my brother’s soup to have some decent taste.”
“He didn’t have to, but his kindness was probably the only thing any of those boys, including myself, felt in those years. And while my time there was short compared to the ones who were left before they could speak, I loathed it the most. Because unlike them, I knew what awaited me on the outside. Freedom.”
“Inside those walls we just—existed, and Carlo’s small act made me face reality. It’s what made me stop wondering about the length of my stay. It’s what made me see the truth. So when I bought my first home, I asked him to work for me, taking him away from his reality.”
When Talia mentioned her father worked in a home Lucca used to live in, I never thought of thathome. It never occurred to me that he would be the gardener and nurturer of the same grounds in which Lucca had been abandoned.
“Did you ever think of running away?” I dared.
“No.” He paused. “I waited.”
On what? Or who?
Salvatore?
“Then it was too late. I had three younger brothers to keep an eye on.”
