Page 189 of A War Around Us


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He opened the door wide and ordered them in Russian to leave. They listened to their master with apprehension. Their slow steps and snarls weren’t timid. They wanted to be heard, wanted to remove the cause of tension.

Lucca slammed the door, and his gaze fell on me.

“You made me look like a fool.” His voice was slow, even, dangerous.

The calm in his tone sent a shrill up my body, and my fingertips ran cold as I faced his eerie hate.

I’d seen Lucca lose control when memories of his mother resurfaced. I’d experienced his vicious words and the evil that emerged after staining his hands red, and I’d face his demon when freed. But there was something different about this calm, silent loathe.

It didn’t matter how many sides of Lucca’s anger I confronted, this one was by far the one I hated.

I didn’t fear him. I feared the damage and gravity of what I had consciously done.

I only wanted to push and fight back one last time before it was all over. Before I took the name of the man who didn’t care for me as I did for him.

Meanwhile, I added to the weight that was dragging us apart.

“Do you know how it feels to be sitting in front of a priest, watching as minutes pass by without the woman you are meant to marry next to you?”

I breathed in through my mouth as he spoke deliberately.

“Why now, Katia?” He trapped my name between his teeth. “Why, when I waited foryouinmychurch?” Lost was the calm. His voice mingled with the thunder’s roar.

“Yourchurch!” I finally fought back, pointing my finger.

“Look around. You are not in Italy anymore.” His dark-navy suit opened as his hands waved furiously all around. “My church is now yours, and I’ll be damned if I allow you to come in between.”

“That was never my intention, Lucca. I—”

“Youhave fifteen minutes to meet me downstairs.” He took one last step closer, and even with our distance, his low threat was clear. “Don’t fight me on this, or so help me God.” He looked around the room, and as he turned his back on me, he gave his last order. “And don’t let me catch you sleeping anywhere else than in my bed again.”

Tears rolled down my face, finally setting them free.

Free to escape the pain and the shackles I couldn’t break free of.

Broken.

I no longer lived on my own. I wasn’t an architect or had the business I’d worked so hard on. I was just a shell, property condemned to do as told. Even my fighting was in vain to win a sliver of freedom, and even my name would soon be gone.

I was suffocating and painfully dying as my mind harmed and my heart ached.

I was drowning for my future.

In the unhappiness and pain I couldn’t shake away.

Was this what my mother felt?

Was this what drove her into madness?

XXXIX

LUCCA

It wasthe second time I’d stepped inside the church’s front doors today. It should have only been once, but earlier I’d sat inside the priest’s office next to an empty chair while watching the minutes go by alone. As soon as Viktor’s text had flashed across my screen, I excused myself and left straight for my place, where I knew I could find and drag Katia’s healthy body back with me.

While I was a mortal sinner, I had an understanding of my faith. After years of following the scriptures, it was the only thing I held as close to law. The church was the one thing I knew where I stood. I’d made peace with it from a young age even after seeing the cruelty in the world. Because if I believed, my heart could accept how my mother rested in peace for eternity in a better place far from fear and pain.

I hadn’t fully understood my devotion until Katia threatened my beliefs by disrespecting the church and our vow we would take under God in two days.

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