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He snorted. “You had to have had some idea, Allegra.”
“That you wanted my body? Sure. That you wanted all of the rest of me? I had no idea, Rocco. You’ve always kept your emotions under wraps.”
He nodded. “And I don’t want to do that anymore. I love you, Allegra, and I love Matteo, and I want us to be a family.”
I backed up toward the door, fear rushing through me. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know what to say, how to act. He’d left me all those years ago and it had almost killed me. What if we got married and he decided that he didn’t want me? I didn’t think I could handle it. “I need to think about this,” I muttered.
Rocco stood up. “I understand,” he said quietly. “Take all the time you need.”
I rushed out of the room after one more long glance, heading to my bedroom, tears springing to the backs of my eyes. This was what I’d wanted for the last ten years, really, if I truly thought about it. I wanted Rocco, but I still didn’t know how to forgive him for leaving. I paced back and forth in my bedroom, my emotions in turmoil. Rocco’s confession took me off-guard, and I was torn between love and resentment. The past felt so near, so raw, and I didn’t know how to trust him again. But he’d protected me all this time, ever since he came back into town. He’d taken care of me and Matteo, but was that enough to rebuild trust?
I knew I couldn’t deny my feelings forever. I knew Rocco would be in my life forever because of Matteo, and I couldn’t be around him without wanting him, without loving him. Would marriage fix my conflicting feelings? Or would I never be able to forgive him? All I knew was that I needed time to think.
30
ROCCO
I went immediately to the liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of whiskey to take back to my room, leaving the ring box on the nightstand. I wasn’t much of a drinker, but tonight I felt like I needed it. Allegra hadn’t exactly shot down my proposal, but she hadn’t told me she loved me either. Was she over me? Was she truly done with me? Had I fucked everything up with my bumbling proposal? Or maybe it was over before even that, over because I had left her all those years ago.
It didn’t matter. Without Allegra, not much mattered at all, so I took a deep swig of the whiskey, sitting down on the bed in the guest bedroom. I didn’t want to think anymore, and after a few more swigs of whiskey, the emotions swirling around in my mind were fuzzed and numb.
But I longed for Allegra. I wanted to talk to her, try to explain the depth of my emotion for her, and I found myself stumbling down the hallway to her room. I stood outside her door for too long, telling myself I should go back to my room and sleep it off, but then I knocked softly on the door, hoping she’d let me in.
She answered with a frown, her eyes puffy as if she’d been crying. “What are you doing here, Rocco?” she asked, and then her nose scrunched up. “You smell like you took a bath in whiskey.”
I chuckled. “Needed some liquid courage,” I explained. “I couldn’t stay away. I needed to see you, to talk to you,” I said, my words slightly slurred from the alcohol. She moved aside to let me in and the world tilted on its axis for a moment, but I managed to get to her bed, sitting down on the end of it hard.
Allegra swallowed visibly. Her walls were up, which I could tell by the way she was holding herself, her shoulders stiffened and biting her lip. I looked up at her, thinking of all the little idiosyncrasies she had that made me love her, and I wanted so much to be able to tell her what was in my heart. “I made a mistake,” I said.
Allegra’s eyes snapped to mine. “I figured,” she mumbled. “I knew this would all fall apart.”
My eyes widened. “No,stellina, not like that. I made a mistake ten years ago when I left you without a word.”
“You broke me,” she said shakily, crossing her arms over her chest. “You broke me, Rocco, and I don’t know how to forgive you for that.”
“The biggest mistake I made was underestimating you,” I said, my eyes searching her face. I felt dizzy but I wanted to get this out. “I thought you couldn’t handle life without money and power, that maybe you’d get bored of me, resent me.”
“It was never about that, Rocco. I’ve never cared about money and power. All I wanted was you,” she said, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
“I know that now,” I said. “But is it too late, Allegra? Am I too late?” I asked in a pleading tone, looking up at her. Allegra took a step closer to me. I reached out and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her close and pressing my head into her stomach. “I missed out on so much,” I mumbled, feeling even more drunk than I had before, as if telling her how I felt had made the alcohol work better. “I missed you all swollen with my baby, missed Matteo being born…his first steps…” My voice cracked and I stopped talking, waiting for her to respond.
“You didn’t know,” Allegra said softly, putting her hand in my hair and stroking it.
I hummed against her stomach and then pulled away to look at her. “I should have known,” I said. “I should have come back. I should have never gone away in the first place. I missed you so much, Allegra, I thought I would die. I climbed inside a bottle for a solid week.”
“I missed you, too,” she admitted. “I didn’t know what to do with myself after you left. I was so afraid, Rocco.”
“I’m just so fucking sorry,” I mourned, pulling her down into my lap. I was happy she didn’t pull away.
“I know,” Allegra said. “I know you’re sorry, Rocco, but I don’t know if that’s enough.”
“Just let me love you,stellina. Let me show you how much you mean to me,” I all but begged, ready to risk it all just so she would understand how I felt. Allegra made a surprised noise in the back of her throat when I kissed her, deeply, slowly, like it was the first time. “I love you, Allegra,” I murmured against her throat, kissing her there open-mouthed.
Allegra rolled her hips against me, pushing me back onto the bed. Her fingers skated across my pecs and my abdomen and I trembled with want. I was hard beneath her already and I thrust up beneath her before flipping her over, kissing down her neck. Allegra’s hands went to my slacks, unbuttoning them and pulling me out. I gasped as her fingers wrapped around my cock. “Fuck,” I cursed.
Allegra moaned, shifting underneath me and pumping me slowly with her hand. “Want you,” she murmured, and she didn’t have to ask me twice. I pushed up her nightie over her hips, spread her thighs, looking down at her. I was aching to be inside her, but this wasn’t about me. This was about Allegra and showing her how I felt, how I worshipped the ground she walked on.
I slid down her body, grabbing her breasts in my hands and thumbing across the peaks of her nipples. She gasped and writhed beneath me. I kissed down between her breasts over the fabric, settling between her thighs and nipping at her soft flesh. She groaned. “Don’t tease, Rocco.”
