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He looked around the kitchen and living room, a slight frown on his face. “Well, I’m not sure if you noticed, but you have a crack in the tile of your shower floor.”
“I know. I saw that a couple of weeks ago.” I shrugged.
Ethan looked at me. “Have you called in anyone to repair it?”
I shook my head. I knew this place needed a lot of work. I also hated being reminded of the fact, since I had such little time to get it done. “I know I should. It’s just I work six days a week, and no maintenance worker in Willow Valley will work on a Sunday. I’ve been doing the best I can.”
“I know. I just wanted to tell you because I’d hate to see you have to deal with a lot of water damage. I could patch it up for you today if you like.”
Something inside of me made me shake my head. “No, you’ve done enough helping me with all the other messes around here. I’ll get it done,” I said, looking at the mug that sat in my hands.
Whatever the reason, I wondered if he was taking pity on me. After all, I was a widow who had told him enough sob stories to make him feel he needed to stick around. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel he had to do these things for me out of pity.
“Peggy, you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. About us. This place is a lot to keep up with. I’m wondering if you’ve ever given any thought to moving?” Ethan asked.
I shook my head and frowned. “No. Besides, where would I move to?”
A smile came to Ethan’s lips. “Well, I was thinking, you helped me pick out that gorgeous property, and it’s big for a single guy. I’d love to share it with you. Why don’t you give some thought to moving in with me?”
“Ethan…” I paused, my stomach flipping at the thought of accepting the fact that I was more than ready to move on from just about everything in my life aside from my shop. “Honestly, I’m doing the best I can,” I said, swallowing hard.
“I know. But, sweetie, I’ve watched you struggle for a few months now. It can be easier,” he said, placing his large hand on mine. “We can tackle things together, as a couple.”
I shook my head as I fought back tears. I wasn’t supposed be feeling like this. I shouldn’t have all this panic, all this anxiety about taking another step forward when last night we took probably the biggest step we’d ever taken together. It was supposed to get easier. Wasn’t it?
“I was thinking we could get this place ready to sell, while getting the new place ready to move into. Then we’ll put this one up for sale or we could keep it as a rental. Then perhaps, once we are settled, we could take a vacation together. After we return, we can have Trinity, Thomas, Brooke, and Tristan over for dinner in our new home. Once we are settled, of course.”
I sat there, my arms crossed in front of me, irritated. “I see you have everything planned out. I’m sorry, Ethan. I’m just not ready.” A tear slipped down my cheek before I had a chance to wipe it away.
The room grew silent. I could feel him watching me as I sat there trying to find the words to explain how I felt, but nothing came. Finally, Ethan cleared his throat and got up from his chair. I watched as he took his coat from the hook beside the door and grabbed the handle of the door. I wanted to tell him not to go, but somehow, I was frozen to the spot in which I sat. He stood there for a moment, facing the door, his shoulders rising and falling at a rapid pace.
“I’m sorry you feel this way. I really thought you were ready to move forward with me, with us.”
“Ethan…”
“When you are ready…if I am free, and still around here, I’ll gladly revisit things, but right now, my heart can’t take any more of this up and down. I was certain you were ready for things last night, but it appears that I was wrong.”
I stood up, panic filling me at the thought of losing him. I was about to step forward, to tell him I wanted to talk and work things out, when he held his hand out, stopping me in my tracks.
“I mean it, Peggy, I can’t take it. One minute you’re fine with us and the next, well, it ends like this. You not being ready. I wanted something with you, something meaningful. I’m not a kid. I mean what I say and do. I thought you knew that. There are no games with me. I commit, I commit wholeheartedly. I understand you went through something horrible, but it’s been eight years. It’s time for you to move on.”
I stared at Ethan through blurry eyes. The hurt on his face was more than I could bear seeing. The hurt in my heart was one I could barely stand feeling. The longer he stood there, the longer it felt as if there was a hot knife searing through my chest.
As Ethan went to grab the handle, anger erupted from inside of me. “No, Ethan…don’t tell me how I should feel. It’s not time I move on. See, you don’t understand, so please stop saying you do.” I clenched and unclenched my fists at my sides. “He was taken from me when I was angry. I’d said so many things I didn’t mean, and I will never get the chance to undo the words. Do you have any idea how that feels? Not to be forgiven for the things you said when you were angry.”
“We all say things when we are angry.”
“Yep, and all I do is keep wondering what part of the words I’d said to him went through his head as the oncoming car smashed into his. What he really thought of me as he lay on the pavement dying. So don’t stand there and tell me you know how I feel because you don’t. Polly got sick. You had time to say good-bye to her before she was gone.”
“Peggy…”
I turned my back on him. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. I wanted him gone from my sight.
“Get out.” They were the only words I could manage. Any more than that, I’d be a heap of tears.
Ethan was quiet for a moment, and then he cleared his throat, and for the first time since I’d known the man, he raised his voice.
“Peggy, you only know what I’ve chosen to tell you about Polly. You know she got sick, but there are things you don’t know. You don’t know that I was on a mission when she found out. That she went through the diagnosis alone, the treatment alone because I refused to believe that there was something wrong with her. She was also alone when she learned that the treatment had stopped working and was given the news that she only had another one to two weeks to live. When she told me the news, I still refused to believe it.
