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Half an hour later, Trinity and I sat on the hood of her car as she listened while I told her all the other things he’d said—about his wife and how he handled it. Then I told her the part about me not being the one who died. She said nothing. She simply listened, nodding her head until I finished. That was when she let out a loud sigh and looked at me.
“Goodness, I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll start at the start. What is it you’re having such a hard time with?” she asked.
I sat there quietly for a few moments, thinking about my answer. Truth was, I felt as if I were losing Darren all over again, only this time, it was me leaving him. I knew he was never coming back. Yet somehow, I felt that perhaps holding onto him, to his memory, may make him return to me one day.
“Peggy, Darren isn’t coming back,” Trinity said, her voice low.
“I know,” I replied, my voice shaking.
“I hate to admit it, but Ethan is right. You aren’t the one who died. You need to stop punishing yourself.”
Trinity had hit it on the head. Darren wasn’t coming back, and all I’d been doing these past years was exactly that. Punishing myself because I was the one who ran away from him after the fight we’d had, for never getting to apologize to him for being angry at him. I’d been doing this to myself for never getting to tell him I loved him again, even though he knew how I felt.
The instant her words sunk in, the floodgates opened, and the tears poured out. We sat on the edge of the country road, while I cried until there were no more tears to cry. When I looked over at my friend, she looked at me with concern lining her face.
“You, okay?” she asked.
I wiped away the few remaining tears and nodded. “I am.”
“Good, now, I don’t think we should go out to visit Vi and Jed. We will reschedule for another afternoon. It’s almost dinnertime. I think we should head back to town. I’m going to take you home, you’re going to have a hot bath, and as much as you probably don’t want to, I think you need to call Ethan and talk.”
ETHAN
Two weeks later
It was after seven by the time I finally sat down for the first time in my new home. The mess of boxes and furniture that lay around only told me how much work I still had ahead of me to finish, but for tonight, my work was done.
I rested my head back against my new recliner and closed my eyes for a moment. It had been a long day, and even though I still had to put my bed together before I could sleep, I needed to take a minute and pause.
Melinda had been a big help. She and Cici had arrived early this morning and began unpacking all the kitchen dishes. While they did that, I directed the furniture delivery crew where to place things. Then the girls had gone down to The Crispy Biscuit and picked up dinner, bringing it back for the three of us to share. It was nice having the first dinner at my place with my daughter and her friend. However, the only thing that would have made it better was if Peggy could have been here.
I sat in the silence of my living room, the memory of the words I’d said to her running through my mind once again, just as they’d been doing ever since they’d fallen from my lips. I’d thought about her for days. I’d even driven past her store numerous times, trying to build up the nerve to go and apologize.
The first time I’d driven by, I’d seen her inside alone. I’d pulled up to the curb across the street and had climbed out of my truck in time to see a customer step inside the store. This wasn’t something I wanted anyone else to hear, so I got in the truck and drove away.
The second time I’d seen her, she’d been in her garden at home, weeding away. I was about to talk to her when one of the girls from the shop stepped out of her small shed. She said something to Peggy. They both laughed, and then she sat down beside her to help with the weeding.
I’d given up for a few days, and then there was yesterday. I’d come back in from Cedar Landing and was about to stop in when I noticed Trinity’s car parked out front. So, I’d left. Which brought me to now. I didn’t have the internet hooked up yet, so even if my computer was unpacked, I couldn’t even send her an email to let her know I was thinking of her.
I blew out a breath and got up from my chair and made my way over to the phone I’d had installed last night. I dialed her number. On the fourth ring, I grew worried. Peggy, no matter how angry, always answered the phone, that much I knew. Instead, I tried the shop. That line, too, did nothing but ring.
I glanced at my watch. The shop would still be open, I thought to myself. I grabbed my keys from the table and hopped into my truck. It only took me a few minutes to navigate through the streets and come to the front of Peggy’s Petals. I could see a note taped to the front door but couldn’t read it, so I hopped out of the truck and ran up.
“Closed. Had to go to Cedar Landing for supplies. Re-opens tomorrow at seven. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
* * *
Peggy
I wrapped the black sweater I wore tightly around me. It was a cool evening, too cold to be sitting beside the water. I dug my little shovel into the dirt and plopped the little purple petunia into the hole, filling it back in.
“I didn’t just come all this way to plant these flowers. I came to talk to you about something important,” I whispered to the headstone. I acted as if all the other headstones could hear me as well.
I popped another petunia out of the pack and slipped it into the ground. “You always liked these flowers, said they were too friendly.” I smiled. “You were right. They are disgustingly happy, but they didn’t sell well this year, and I didn’t want them to go to waste.”
I emptied the pack of flowers and placed the empty tray into the basket I’d brought. “I can sense you are impatient. You want to know why I’m here. I need you to know something.”
I looked over my shoulder at the sound of a car door slamming shut and saw a young girl and her mother carrying a small basket of flowers. I smiled to myself as I watched them make their way over to a grave where the young girl placed the basket of flowers down, smiling sadly at her mother. Then they both bowed their heads.
