AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The nightmares don’t stop though, no matter how hard I try to make them disappear.
I’m lying there, about to reach over to the nightstand so I can grab my phone, when a wave of nausea hits me so strongly, I stumble out of bed, almost falling to the floor. I make it to the connecting bathroom just in time, throwing up nothing but bile.
Once I’m finished, I collapse onto the cool marble floor, pressing my heated face against it and closing my eyes. I think the trauma over everything has made me sick. I’m so tired of feeling like this. Sick all the time. Sick over Seamus and what he did to me. Sick that my father has basically cut me completely out of his life—and convinced my mother to do the same. While I have Perry and Jasper and my brothers, who have really come through since the incident, I don’t have the support of my parents at all. Ever since Perry talked to my father that one day, we haven’t heard from them since.
I never really did have their support, so I don’t know why I’m so heartbroken over it. Maybe because it all feels so final? It’s ridiculous to think like this. I have money thanks to my trust fund. I have security thanks to my marriage with Perry, and it’s not like I’m not in contact with family members. All three of my brothers love and support me. They’ve really come through since everything that happened, though Crew was always there for me.
“Charlotte? Where are you?”
My eyes flash open when I hear Perry call my name and I scramble up off the floor, smoothing my hair away from my face before I flush the toilet. “Give me a minute,” I call, thankful that I closed the bathroom door behind me when I ran in here earlier. At least my husband didn’t find me sprawled across the floor like I’d passed out.
I’ve been keeping the nausea a secret from Perry, and I don’t know why. Maybe because he’d force me to see a doctor, and I’m not ready to talk about what’s going on with me to a stranger yet. The last time I went to a doctor, it was to my pediatrician. It’s been a while since I’ve sought medical help.
I hurriedly wash my hands and gargle mouthwash before I exit the bathroom, smiling at my husband, who immediately frowns.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” My smile is so wide, the corners of my mouth tremble. I let it relax. “Why?”
“You look like you’ve been crying.” He waves a hand at my face and I realize my eyes must be blood shot thanks to vomiting earlier. I always cry a little when I throw up. It’s awful.
“I haven’t been,” I reassure him.
His intense gaze sweeps over me, and the disbelief is there, written all over his face. He takes a step closer, reaching for my hand, enclosing it in his own. “Your fingers are like ice.”
“I just washed my hands.”
“Did you fall back asleep?” His voice lowers and he pulls me even closer. “Did you have another bad dream?”
“No.” I shake my head, letting him pull me into his arms. It’s the place where I feel the safest and if I had my choice, I would spend every single day in Perry’s arms, whiling the hours away.
But that’s not actually living a normal life. He has things to do. A job to go to every day. And I need something too. I want to go back to school. I’ve been entertaining the idea for a while, even before we were married, but now after everything that happened, I’m terrified to go onto campus alone.
Without protection. Without Perry by my side.
I’m being ridiculous.
“You’re shaking, baby.” He tucks me into his chest and I lie there, breathing in his scent, absorbing his warmth. He’s firm and strong and he’s all mine and I’ve become this burden of a woman.
No. Not a woman. I feel like a scared little girl, and I hate it. It doesn’t matter that I took charge of my own fate and threw burning hot soup in Seamus’s face before I made my escape. Perry always tells me I’m such a badass for doing that, and I want to believe him.
I do.
But it’s like my mind won’t let me. My parents’ abandonment hurts too damn much on top of it all. I’d think I’d be used to it by now. This sort of thing has gone on my entire life, but no.
It still hurts. I do what they want. I get married to the man they—my father—chose for me, and he’s still not satisfied.
Nothing I do is right. I’m a failure.
I am.
The tears flow freely, soaking the front of Perry’s button up shirt. I’m sure he can feel them, but he doesn’t say anything. Just holds me close and keeps his mouth pressed to my forehead, offering up all that comfort he’s so good at delivering.
“I need to get over this,” I finally say after a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself.
“It’s only been a few weeks,” he reminds me, which feels like it’s been too long for me to wallow in my misery already. “Give yourself some time.”
“I’m tired of feeling scared all the time. Or feeling sorry for myself. I’m over it.” I pull away slightly so I can look him in the eyes. His gaze is full of concern, and I wonder if he ever regrets marrying me. He definitely didn’t sign up for this. “I want to be stronger.”
