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“What do you mean?”
“I can only give so much right now, B. Everything feels like it’s closing in on me, all at once, and the pressure—it’s a lot. I don’t know how much more I can stand.” He scratches the back of his head again, staring off into the distance. “I care about you.”
My heart cracks wide open…
“But I don’t know if I can be enough for you.”
Only to shatter into a bazillion pieces, falling at my feet.
“Look.” I smile at him, though it feels like I’m snarling, so I clamp my lips shut. “Why don’t I make it easy on you.”
He frowns, his brows drawing together. “How?”
“I’ll walk away right now. I don’t need anything else from you. Not a single thing. It was fun while it lasted, right?”
Cam studies me for a moment, his lips parting slightly. “If that’s how you want to go about this.”
“That’s exactly how I want this to play out. Look, you were always honest with me from the start, right? You told me you weren’t worthy of me. That you didn’t do relationships, and I ignored all the signs. You were waving all the red flags in my face, and I’d constantly tell myself, red is my favorite color.”
“You think I’m a red flag?”
Oh, he seems offended. I am sort of enjoying this after all the torture he’s put me through.
“You are a walking red flag, Camden Fields,” I tell him, my voice firm. “You really need to get your shit together for the next girl.Woman.”
“Fuck, Bumblebee. You’re brutal,” he mutters, his gaze full of pain.
“Don’t call me that.” I shake my head. “Not anymore, okay? It feels too…”
My throat closes up and I can’t get any more words out. I’m choked up, afraid I might cry, and I close my eyes for the briefest moment to stave off the tears.
“If you don’t want me to go to dinner with your family, just say the word,” he says, his voice faint. “I can come up with an excuse and get out of it.”
“No, it’s fine. You need to talk to my father. You need his advice. Besides, he adores you.” I swallow hard, hating the broken look on Cam’s face. He just won a really tough game and he should be on top of the world. Instead, I’m bringing him down and insulting him when it’s all my fault.
I walked into this scenario with my eyes wide open and I still went and fell in love with the asshole. In the end, whose fault is that?
All mine.
THIRTY-TWO
CAM
I am such a dickhead.
I’ve thought it a bazillion times. Said it out loud more than once, specifically to Blair. After she walked out of my apartment and didn’t bother trying to reach out to me, I was so pissed, I did the same thing to her, like a toddler on the verge of a major tantrum.
Lots of,I don’t need her.Fuck women-type chants on repeat in my head these last few days, which is stupid.
The moment I saw her out on the field, all I wanted to do was touch her. Pull her into my arms and kiss her. Tell her how much I missed her over the last few days—which is a lot. Blair Maguire became a regular part of my life that I didn’t expect, and when she disappeared, I felt the loss.
Hard.
I probably shouldn’t have told her I didn’t have it in me anymore to continue what we were doing. I saw the hurt on her face and it made me feel like shit, so what did I do? I pushed her away, which is my usual reaction. If I can’t be there for someone, I just shove them out of my life. That’s what’s easiest on me.
When I started talking to her like the awkward fuck I am, she called me a walking red flag and told me I couldn’t call her by her nickname anymore.
I’ve lost the right. And fuck all if she isn’t one hundred percent correct. I did lose the right. As soon as I told her that I couldn’t be what she wanted, she let me go. She told me she was done and damn, that hurt.
