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Anyway, Jamie had shown some understandable hesitation at coming to this particular Safeway—oncehisSafeway—but he’d reasoned with me quietly that it shouldn’t matter, no one would be able to see him anyway. Now, it was clear he was having some doubts on that.
“Danielle didn’t see you,” I said, pushing away my thoughts of Holly for the moment. “No one did. As far as I know, the only other person who’s noticed you, aside from me, is Holly.”
“I had no idea she was back,” he said, still gazing in Danielle’s direction, reminding me of our stance back at Inkwell when he stared at another girl. However, unlike that Stony Point memory, there was no sense of longing in Jamie’s eyes. And no green monster pushing out from inside of me. As he stared toward Danielle, there was nothing special. Nothing as I’d once seen between him and Melissa. Oh, I could see that he felt something toward Danielle alright. But it wasn’t anything romantic. No, no, no. This was something else.
Anger.
His eyes narrowed, fists slightly clenched.
“Did the two of you ever resolve what happened?” I asked, running a hand up his back in a weak attempt to comfort him. I recalled the memory he’d shown me, watching them speak through seemingly muted words from where I had stood in the snow. I didn’t know what had been said. Didn’t know anything… except that Jamie had obviously cut her off mid-conversation and stormed off toward his car. On some level, I could empathize. Especially with what she’d done. After all, every time I saw Dave a part of me wanted to punch his face.
Jamie glanced back at me and smiled. “I’d want to punch Dave’s face, too. But… you’re right. Sometimes I still feel so angry about it.” He wrapped his arms around me, and I leaned into his embrace, my head against his chest.
Of course, even if you loved someone else, you didn’t always get over the hurt of what other people had done to you. The bitterness remained.
“Yeah, well, Dave and I had some words before he left. I have nothing left to say to him. Did you get that with her? The night you showed me?”
“No. That night, the night before I killed myself, she approached me and made it worse.”
“Really?”
“Yup. I mean, hell. I don’t think she meant to do it but… when I saw her walk into the store that night, I’d tried my best to avoid her. Especially seeing her pregnant. I couldn’t handle that.”
“What’d she say to you when you were leaving?”
“The typical bullshit. Like we were old friends. How are you doing, Jamie? How’s work going?” There was an intensity in his lowered voice as he spoke. “I couldn’t handle her walking in here and talking to me like nothing had happened.”
“I bet. Jesus.”
He clenched his mouth together. “I regret that night, Jems. Oh, I regret many nights. But I really regret that one in the snow. Should’ve given her more of a piece of my mind. I don’t for one second blame her for the suicide but… she could’ve cared about me more.”
We fell silent for a moment. Something gnawed at me, biting me from the inside out. I guessed because I could relate to what Jamie was going through. No, you couldn’t blame any other person for how you felt. You couldn’t blame someone else for your decision to end everything.
That didn’t make their actions (or inactions) toward you hurt any less.
“Well, she’s here,” I said, softly. “Even if she can’t hear you, can’t you try to say something to her? I dunno. Maybe that would help, knowing you got it out?”
“What would I even say?”
“I’m assuming she knows you passed away, right?”
“Yeah, I guess. She would have to know if she’s working here. Even if she wasn’t, word probably got around to her. She was still so connected.”
“Well, then, as we’re checking out… you could say a few words. Even if she doesn’t hear you.”
“I’m not so sure, Jemma.”
I half-smiled, gazing into his blue eyes that clouded with concern.
“The Jamie I know would tell me to open up, not hold anything back,” I said. “Isn’t that one of the lessons you came here to teach me?”
The beginnings of a smile tipped the corners of his mouth as he stared at me, seemingly in awe.
“What?” I asked, nudging him playfully. “Didn’t think the things you’ve been saying would stick?”
“Look at you,” he said. “Surprising me every single day.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Before I had the opportunity to ask him, he squeezed my hand, then dropped our connection.
