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From this angle, the buildings beneath us looked entirely different. Abington—the building which housed the cafeteria and where we currently hung on the roof, as it were—was the tallest of them all. Giving us the best view in the “house.” Street lamps lit the path below, trailing along a dirt path that reached across the campus. Five other stone buildings spread across the lawn, two of them so far away they barely looked like more than a tiny structure in the hilly distance.
“Yeah, I figured this would be more fun.” Jamie shrugged his shoulders. “And, anyway, it felt just as stuffy on the ground as it did inside the cafeteria.”
I grinned. “I wasn’t complaining.”
We tucked against the side of the chimney, ensuring that anyone who walked by the building wouldn’t discover our newly foundhangoutspot. I could only imagine the loads of shit we’d be on for climbing up here.
Jamie leaned back, hands behind his head as he lay against the shingles, staring up at the sky. We remained in silence until, randomly, he hummed lightly. Eventually, after some straining, I picked up on the tune.
“Ocean Breathes Salty?” I asked. “Modest Mouse, right?”
He shifted for a second, nodding, but never ceasing to hum the song as he made the gesture with his head. I watched him. A part of me awkwardly listening, unaccustomed to someone whistling to me. Another part feeling as though I wanted to be a part of the music.
A second later, I joined him.
When the song came to an end, I took a deep breath, finding myself at a loss for words.
“Do you ever wonder what the song’s about?” He studied the stars above as if he understood them.
“Death? Loss? Grieving somebody?”
“Maybe. Or… maybe… a soul connection so deep, there’s a piece of that person always with you. No matter where they go.”
“I like idea of that,” I whispered. A chill shot up my spine, though I wasn’t sure if it was because of being out in the brisk winter night or the power of his words. I pulled my jacket more tightly around my body.
“Oh, geez, I’m sorry,” he said. “You look cold.”
“Yeah, I am. A little.”
He lifted and scooted closer. Reached an arm toward me, but then he stopped.
“Uh… is this… I mean…” He smiled sheepishly. I inched closer to his body, intending to answer his question without ever saying a word. His lips morphed into a deeper curve, and he lightly swung his arm around me. My insides warmed, a mixture of electricity and jitters crawling through my gut. Jamie wrapped us together in an embrace that I suddenly realized I’d been hoping for since we first became friends.
“This is better.” The words escaped my lips before I had a chance to stop them. My face flushed from the embarrassment that maybe I’d said too much too soon.
“I agree,” he murmured. I waited. Unsure if he would add something. His focus shifted once more, back to the stars. “You know what? That song? To me, it’s also about something else, too.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Not knowing what to do with the weight of the world,” he said. “Especially since we don’t know what comes after. Do we even have any meaning at all? Beautiful, tragic nihilism.”
“Well, that sounds silly.”
“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow.
“How can the song be both about having a deep, meaningful connection with another soul… and, at the same time, say there’s absolutely no meaning in life whatsoever?”
I felt the rhythm of Jamie’s chest rise and fall. Rise. Fall. Rise. Fall. Steadily. His eyes twinkled as he glanced down at me and spoke the next words.
“Maybe because we create our own meaning.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I glanced out into the expansive sky. Endless little speckles of light dancing above us. Even in the middle of winter, you could see the stars. They never stopped shining, even when life had been drained from everything else left in the world.
Jamie started to whistle the song again. I shut my eyes, rising with his chest, and falling hard every single time he blew out the air in his lungs.
Chapter Sixteen
Sixteen Years Later
