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I lost myself in that sky as a vibrating lull crawled over the top of my face, warming me. Though I remained on the ground of Stony Point, my soul lifted as though it yearned to separate from my body.
I wondered what it was like to die. How long the pain lasted before the darkness crept up on a person. When the chicken gets its head cut off and the body runs around, does the chicken still feel the motions? Or has the soul already obliviated into nothingness?
Jamie leaned over from his standing position above, and I instantly drew back to the present moment. A few damp curls escaped his blue knit hat, his chest puffed up from the heavy winter jacket around his person.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked. His red nose told me he’d been out walking around for a bit before he reached me. Though I noticed a slight twinkle in his eye, as though he’d been crying. I pondered the idea of it—and whether I should ask him if everything was okay—but then let it go.
“Earth is having a Prometheus moment,” I said without thinking about it too much. “I don’t see how that’s necessarily beautiful. Tragic. Beautiful? Not so much.”
“Alright. Let’s talk about this.” He dropped down on my right, his entire left side pressed up against me. Heat caressed my skin, despite the physical chill of his wet jacket being so near. He continued, “First… can you explain what you mean by… a Prometheus moment? And why this isn’t beautiful?”
“Y’know… it’s like… Earth is going through an attack, and we’re feeling the internal turmoil.”
“Who says snow is the result of turmoil?” His voice grew softer than normal. “Earth could be celebrating something big. Lucky her. Or him.”
I glanced up at the sky, falling back into the trance I’d been in before Jamie arrived.
“This gray sky… it’s the saddest thing. How could Earth be celebrating this?” I asked. “More like mourning something. This…this...is the saddest time of the year. When your heart is thick as ice and everything seems hopeless.”
I inhaled, wrapped up in my gloomy cocoon. In the deep frost of the winter, when the trees were bare, and the sun hardly made an appearance, I almost couldn’t hold it together. The scariest, ugliest demons reigned most rampant. Showing you images of your father as he cocked the gun, readying it for that final blow that took his life. These memories fluttered through my thoughts, welcoming me like they were the dearest of friends. Leaving me restless as I choked through tears in the dark crevices of my dorm.
Truthfully, this was the first year that winter had been this bad and made me feel so depressed. I was sure it had to with Dad, but I also understood that it went deeper, too. At sixteen, the innocent, sledding days of my childhood were gone. I knew that. Could sense it in my bones. The happy-go-lucky days replaced with a depression that hijacked my body and permanently implanted itself in my brain.
The white, cold sky kidnapped my joy, any amount of positive energy I had left inside of me. Held it captive. I had no goddamn idea when the happiness would return.
“How could something so sad be beautiful?” I murmured.
“Isn’t it though?” Jamie asked. “The most tragic, darkest things… they’re the most beautiful in the entire world.”
I tilted my head over and furrowed my brows, about to ask him how in the world the tragic, depressing things could bring him so much happiness. Before I opened my mouth, I saw the tears that streaked down his cheeks. A sharp pang of something awful shot through me.
He started to turn his head away, tried to hide the same way I would’ve, but I instinctively reached a hand out to his chin. He paused.
“Jamie…” My words were as soft as the flakes floating through the sky.
He blinked a few more tears away and rubbed his eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.
“We don’t have to ever talk about it,” I said softly.
I planted my hands on each side of his face and stared into his eyes. The redness around the crease in his eyes made the blue in the center sparkle like turquoise. I gripped his face a little more firmly.
“You know what’s beautiful?” I asked. “Not the world we live in, not the empty sky. Not death.” I took a deep breath before saying the next words, adrenaline rushing through my body, heart beating so frantically I could feel it in my throat.
“You’rebeautiful, Jamie,” I whispered. “You are beautiful.”
I hesitated, moved forward, then back with my neck. But after, took the plunge, and leaned forward. My lips landed softly over his. A vibrant flush sparked between the two of us as he gently pressed his mouth against mine. Our eyes remained opened, watching each other cautiously. Eventually, our kisses deepened, and his eyes closed. Our mouths continued to find each other.
In the chill of the deep winter day, Jamie and I lit up, a ray of sunshine dancing between the two of us amidst a darkening world.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Fifteen Years Later
After Holly left, I raced upstairs, headed into my office, and slammed the door shut behind me.
“Don’t follow me in here, Jamie!” I yelled to no one.
