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Was this the universe’s way of being a bunch of assholes, connecting two exes together because they could?
“Sorry you had to deal with her thoughts,” I said. “Bad enough you had to deal with your own. Then to die and hear hers, too.”
“I’m not sorry,” he said. “Jemma… I can’t even tell you how happy it made me. To hear your voice again after so many years. I never expected to find out you were so much like me.”
My brows crinkled. A wash of confusion spread over me, and my insides tightened. He couldn’t be speaking the truth. Not after everything we’d been through in the past.
“I don’t really understand,” I said. “Why would you want to hear my voice? You didn’t love me. Didn’t even seem to care enough to contact me after my suicide attempt. That doesn’t strike me as a guy who would be happy about hearing my voice again.”
“Jesus, Jemma. It nearly killed me after what happened. And you don’t even know.” We continued swaying to the beat of Tchaikovsky. The album changed to a tune I didn’t recognize, the violin solo combined with his warmth soothing my insides.
“You’re right. I don’t even know,” I said. “I don’t even know.”
“I want you to know,” he said. “See, the thing is. What you don’t know… is that when I woke up… I crossed into the light. For people like us… those who’ve lost any desire to live… the higher powers, if you will, put you in a sort of review. You watch over your life. Scene by scene. When they got to our story... I knew how wrong I’d been about everything.”
“Now here we are.” My words tasted salty. Despite everything—the romantic boat ride, the dancing, Jamie’s insistence upon saving me—there was still the remnants of a bitterness I couldn’t quite shake.
He stopped our movement and pressed his lips against my forehead once more. His lips trembled against my skin, energy dimming around his entire being as the tears rushed down his face. His tears washed away the remaining bitterness inside of me, despite myself. Despite everything. The bitter anger floated away, replaced by something I now understood as being even more prevalent when it came to my feelings toward Jamie.
Sadness.
I sighed the sadness sitting behind my eyes.
Poor Jamie.
Pulling back from him, I stared into his eyes, sparkling with care and pain.
What I did next surprised even me.
I rocked onto the balls of my feet and pressed my lips onto his.
Chapter Forty-Two
Nightmares
I am alive.
I heard the words in my mind again, my lips finding Jamie’s. His mouth captured mine, more passionately than I’d recalled from any time back when we dated in the past. Gingerly, his hands worked their way up to the sides of my face, and I mirrored his actions, gripping the side of his stubbly face. Our kisses deepened, moving energetically, quickly.
Though my mouth continued to find Jamie’s—and he seemed to want this as badly as I did—I didn’t dare acknowledge what any of this could mean. The logical part of my brain still couldn’t wrap my head around so much of what was happening. Besides, Jamie was dead—or alive and kicking in another dimension—and even if he did still have those feelings for me, there was no future with a dead man.
He planted one more sensual kiss over my lips, then pulled away.
“We need to stop,” he said. “This… this isn’t… goddammit… Jemma… we shouldn’t…”
But then, his lips gravitated right back toward mine hungrily, and we were wrapped together once more. Vibrant light danced around us, the pull from the universe tying us together.
My fingers toyed with the buttons on his shirt.
“Do we… do I… need to unbutton these where we are?” I breathed, unsure of how any of this worked.
“Jemma.” He let out husky breaths I didn’t even realize could exist in the spiritual plane. “We need to stop.”
He backed away from me, and my heart shattered all over again.
“What is it?” I asked, insides hardening. “What? Did I overstep? Put the moves on a guy who doesn’t want me like that?”
“No way in hell do I not want you.” He leaned into me once more and cupped his hands around my face. “Do you even realize how badly I want to be with you? God.” He bumped his forehead against mine. “I’m not supposed to stay with you forever. This is only temporary. To help you. And… it wouldn’t be fair to you. To… sleep with you and then… eventually… eventually Jemma, I’m supposed to let you get back to your life.”
