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We both laugh at that. “So here’s another confession. I was a virgin too.”
“Don’t lie to me, Eli.”
“It’s true.” I drag my hand across the bedding, excited to try it out later. “I talked a big game, but I never closed the deal.”
“Why?”
Shrugging, I glance up at him. “I don’t know. I just didn’t feel the urge, I guess.” There’s no way I’m telling him that once we met, I wasn’t that interested in sex with anyone but him. “Late bloomer. I caught up in college. That’s when I accepted that I was into guys.”
“Because of an experience?”
“Yeah.” I walk to the windows and sit in the armchair. Michel joins me. “His name was Scott. He was in my business studies class, and I noticed how he would look at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I ran into him once when he was out jogging. No shirt, shorts hanging off his hips, sweat dotting his skin. I knew then. Straight guys don’t think about other guys like that.”
“No.”
Chuckling, I run my finger down the gray vein in the marble side table. “Anyway, that’s what happened.”
“Did you get with Scott?”
“Uh, yeah. We slipped out of a party together. He, uh, he wanted to blow me, but I asked if we could kiss first. We did and it was like pulling off a mask, if that makes sense.”
“More than you know,” Michel says softly.
“We ran into the woods.” I glance out the window. “Those right there. I told him I wanted to blow him first, and so that’s what I did.” I can sense the heat crawling up my neck and cheeks as I tell the story. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told about this.”
“Scott? Or in general?”
“Both. I haven’t come out at all.”
“Why do you suppose that is?”
I shrug, meeting his gaze. “Part of me always thought it was no one’s business.”
“And the other part?”
“It’s lame, but I thought, maybe I’ll end up with a woman, and then there’s nothing to tell.”
“You’re ashamed?”
“No,” I reply quickly. “I’m not. I swear. I like who I am, but…”
“You’re worried about how others will react.”
I nod. “Especially here. We’re not exactly known for being open-minded.”
“Times have changed, Eli. High school was a long time ago. They elected Maren George, a very progressive woman. The majority have been very receptive to my changes, knowing it will attract a more liberal crowd. The young people still here crave a more diverse landscape.” He smiles. “And although I haven’t dated anyone here, I doubt anyone questions where my sexuality lies.”
I nod, trying to push back the embarrassment I feel. “It’s more my folks. They’ve never been very open people, and they even worried back when we hung out so much that people would assume things about me.”
“But that didn’t stop you.” He puts his hand over mine, and the weight of it feels good. “You were brave enough to stand by me, to stick up for me, even to fight for me. For years, I aspired to that level of bravery, and it led me to become the man I am today.”
I nod, absorbing his words.
“But there is no rush,” he continues. “You’ve been through a lot, but I know you’ll find your footing again. I’ll be here to watch it happen. Maybe this time around, I can be your hero.”
Shaking my head, I huff a small laugh. “I was no hero. I should’ve—”
“No, Eli. You did more than enough. Besides, you can’t tell someone you’re not a hero if they believe you are.” He squeezes my hand. “You got me through the worst part of my life. You will always have my gratitude, and if I can do anything to repay you, I will.”
