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“It continued into my adult life. I was just tired, Eli. Tired of being invisible or the butt of jokes. I was tired of struggling for things that came so easily to others. I got desperate.”
When I pause, Eli finally speaks. “I’m still here. You can tell me.”
His words settle my fears and I push forward. “You might think I’m insane, but I was willing to do anything to improve my hand. Anything. So I researched the supernatural. I learned about summoning demons and how you could make a deal with them if you gave them something they wanted.”
“Demons?”
I nod. “Stupid, I know, but like I said, I was desperate. I would’ve slept with the devil himself if it made my life better. I didn’t want to go on like that anymore.”
Eli frowns. “Shit. I wish I knew you were struggling so much. I feel so bad that I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were, though. You were always there. Always pushing me to want more. To be the kind of man you deserved. Eli, I’ve loved you since I was barely able to understand that emotion.”
He gasps softly.
“I loved you so much and I knew I could never be worthy of a man like you, even if you were into guys.”
“Michel…”
“I still love you. It’s never gone away. Not even faded with time. Why do you think I’m in my thirties and have never had sex or been in a relationship? Even if someone had wanted me, my heart was already yours.”
I push on before he can interrupt me.
“So I did it. I summoned the demon. It took four tries, but I finally got it right. It appeared to me and asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to be perfect. Handsome, smart, charming, savvy with business, and rich. He told me he could make it happen. He said all I had to give him was agreeing to his methods. Nothing else. I suspected a trick, but Eli, I swear nothing else mattered. I wanted it so much that I agreed. He left me and told me within a week I would have my wish.”
“Holy shit.”
“Every morning I would wake and stare into the mirror, hoping to see something new looking back, but I never did. I reminded myself I had to be patient. It hadn’t been a week yet. Then it happened. One night, my bedroom window slid open, and a man climbed through. I somehow knew not to be afraid of him, not in the normal sense. I knew the demon had sent him.”
Eli stares at me with wide eyes.
“He crawled into my bed and hovered over me, holding my gaze, and the strangest sense of comfort and warmth washed over me. He told me he was there to make my dreams come true. I asked him if he was a demon and he smiled, revealing the sharpest teeth. He asked me if my soul was worth my desires, and I said yes. I said yes, Eli.”
“Oh my god,” he whispers.
“He bit me then, held me in his arms as he drained my life away. There was a moment when I laughed. The demon got me. I traded my mortal soul so I could become the man I am now. The demon owed the vampire and I was the prize.”
A tear slides down Eli’s cheek. “Michel.”
“You might think it’s wrong, but I don’t regret it. For the first time in my life, I have power and influence. I’m not afraid anymore, Eli. No one can hurt me. No one but you. You could destroy me right now if you wanted to. I’m finally a man worthy of you, but I’m a monster underneath it all. I drink human blood to survive, and…” I pause, knowing I need to confess this, but the words are bitter on my tongue.
“And?”
“I’ve killed people, Eli. Intentionally. And I’m not done yet.”
Eli blinks rapidly several times. “Dale. You killed Dale tonight, didn’t you?”
I nod. “Yes.” I lean forward. “You deserve to know what I am, Eli. You deserve to know that I planned it and I enjoyed it, and I will taste Garrett Landon’s blood on my lips before I am satisfied.”
He continues to stare.
“I came back to Neubrook for revenge, and I plan to take out every single bully I find. But I would never harm you. Not ever. That first night when I ran, it was because I wanted to taste you so desperately, but I wouldn’t hurt you. I couldn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I love you. I live for you. I becamethisfor you. I would sooner drive a stake through my own heart then lay a finger on you.”
He nods, but I see the questions on his face. “I, um, I need a second.”
