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Victor sighed and debated about ignoring his phone since he no longer had ties to business, and there was every chance it was Charlie or Alice once again seeking absolution, but he grabbed it anyway. At first glance, he didn’t recognize the name, but when he opened it, his world flipped.
Victor,
Sorry to email like this. I should text but I don’t think I’m ready to give you my new number. I kept my promise though. You’re still in my contacts. I’m not quite sure what to say, but I wanted to let you know that I graduated and I might regret this more than anything, but here’s a ticket to the ceremony if you want to come. You don’t need to RSVP. If I see you, I see you.
Maybe we can have lunch.
I know a great place that makes amazing burritos.
I think about you every single day.
Always yours,
Oliver
He sat back, his lungs burning like that short email had stolen all of his breath, and he stared down at the last three words.Always yours, Oliver.
It seemed a mockery, an unkindness in its utter untruth, because while he believed Oliver had thought of him, he wasn’t Victor’s. Not yet, and Victor had no faith that he ever would be.
His fingers shook as he closed the message, and without really thinking, he opened his contacts and hit the first name he came across.
It rang twice before Emil picked up. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.”
Victor couldn’t form words.
“Vic? Are you okay? Is this a butt-dial, or…”
“Emil,” Victor managed. He took in a trembling breath that was loud and obvious.
“Hey,” Emil said, his tone soft and pacifying. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think I can do this alone.”
Emil was quiet for a second, and then Victor heard a sound like he was walking through a room before he spoke again. “Do what?”
“I’m interrupting something,” Victor said. His face went warm with humiliation that he’d cracked so easily. “I’m sorry. I can let you go—”
“Stop,” Emil told him roughly. “Don’t do this. Tell me what happened.”
Victor licked his lips, then leaned back and pressed the palm of one hand over his eyes. “I met someone. I went on the honeymoon I’d booked for myself and Alice in Sol Azur, and I got into a stranger’s car by accident. I thought it was my driver, but it wasn’t.”
“Okay,” Emil said slowly.
“He was kind about it. We…became close.” Victor swallowed heavily. “We spent the entire time together. I liked him.”
“But something must have happened,” Emil said.
Victor laughed, the sound thick and watery in the back of his throat as he held back all of his emotions. “It was only meant to be a week. Itwasjust a week, but it felt like a lifetime. And we parted ways because neither one of us felt like it could work, but now he’s invited me…somewhere,” he said, not wanting to give too much away. “To see him. No promises or expectations. I just…I don’t know if I can.”
“But you want to,” Emil said.
“I’ve wanted to see him every single day since I left, but I promised to let him go,” Victor answered.
Emil made a soft noise of sympathy. “And he’s inviting you back.”
He was, but Victor wasn’t sure he was strong enough to accept. Oliver’s email had been short but full of small intimacies that even he couldn’t reason away. And having him so close while not being able to touch him the way he wanted would ruin Victor.
Letting him walk away had been the single hardest thing Victor had ever done. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to do it twice.
