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The night after his defense—the long hours after learning that he’d passed and that he was now a graduate with a master’s degree—he cracked and wrote Victor the email. He saved it in his drafts, and when he couldn’t stop staring at it during brunch, Kelsi threatened to steal his phone and do it for him.
So, he pushed the little icon and watched it deliver, then promptly ran to the bathroom and threw up his eggs bennies.
Now he was trying his best not to give in to the temptation of drinking away his anxiety because though he had no answer from Victor, there was a chance he’d see him again. Soon.
And then…
Well.
Then he’d have to figure out what the fuck he was going to do because he didn’t think he could set eyes on Victor again and let him go. He knew himself better than that. But he knew damn well he couldn’t settle into Victor’s life. People would take one look at him and know he didn’t belong. It would only take one clever person with internet skills to uncover Oliver’s past, and then he’d be exposed.
He’d ruin Victor in the process, and that thought killed him.
But he also couldn’t ask Victor to give up everything he was—everything he had—for Oliver’s dream and live some small life in a town God only knew where.
Oliver was still waiting on a few of his applications to get back to him, but he’d already had two promising Zoom interviews in Kingston, and while he’d never in his life considered moving to the East Coast, it felt like an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. Something about it felt like kismet in a way nothing else ever had except the day he’d driven to the gas station where a total stranger thought he was an Uber and got into his car.
And Oliver was done ignoring those pressing feelings of fate in his gut.
“Hey.”
Oliver blinked out of his thoughts and glanced over at Kelsi. They were the last two left at the bar as the night was winding down, considering most of them had their graduation ceremonies coming up, and everyone was emotionally exhausted.
“Did you say something?” he asked.
Kelsi laughed and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. “Yes. I said you look tired and Easton called you a ride.”
Oliver turned his gaze to Kelsi’s not-quite-boyfriend and grinned. “Marry him.”
Kelsi elbowed him. “Don’t be disgusting.” But Oliver could see a faint blush on her cheeks, even in the dim light.
He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Thanks for putting up with me being such a fucking disaster.”
She shrugged and rubbed her thumb over the side of his wrist. “Baby, if the love of my life was coming to see me for the first time in months, I’d be worse than you.”
“He’s not the—” Oliver started to say, but that tasted like a bitter lie on the sides of his tongue, so he stopped. “Whatever. He’s probably not going to show.”
Kelsi sighed. “I won’t get your hopes up by saying he will because I don’t know this guy. But if he doesn’t get his ass here, then he’s not worth your time.”
Which was all well and good to think, but that wouldn’t take the edge off the heartbreak Oliver would feel if Victor ghosted him. But he was refusing to consider either possibility. He’d rather plan for the worst and flail around if the best happened because at least making a fool of himself in front of Victor wouldn’t rip his heart into tiny pieces.
It would only ruin his ego, and he could survive that.
Oliver tapped his hands on the top of the bar before sliding off the stool and pulling Kelsi in for a side-hug. “Be good, okay? And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She kissed his cheek again and curled her fingers around the back of his neck, holding him tight. “I love you so much. Promise me you’ll never forget that.”
“Getting dicked down will never be worth more than our friendship, babe,” he promised her.
She laughed as she let him go, and Oliver stole one last glance over his shoulder to find her attention immediately back on Easton like they were magnets. It made his heart a little lighter, knowing that he could leave and she’d be happy. That they could love each other without needing each other, and it was an annoyingly profound revelation.
But it was one that allowed him to sleep comfortably the moment he got home and finally collapsed on his cold, empty bed.
* * *
Oliver had been to several graduations over the years. He was a social kind of guy, so he made plenty of friends from the moment he set foot on campus, but there was nothing quite like his own. He was prepared for long speeches and being stuck behind more popular colleges with more students than his own, but he wasn’t prepared for how it would make him feel.
He fought the urge to look around behind him every second he sat in his chair and waited to hear his name. He already knew that he’d get a handful of enthusiastic applause from his friends, but mostly just polite congrats from total strangers because Oliver had no family to speak of.
