AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Riding on the back of Vincent’s motorcycle, I hold onto him and tip my head back, the wind on my face and whipping through my hair. It’s a new form of freedom. All because of Vincent. The ten-year age difference is blurring into the horizon and becoming a non-issue to me. He turns onto Louis’s street, and my brother and Evie are by his bike, embracing.
Vincent comes to a stop behind them, and I climb off and unclip my helmet. Before I can step back, Vincent tugs me to his side and sweeps my hair behind my ear.
“Don’t forget I wanna talk when I get back,” he says, and I nod.
“I won’t.” The air between us thickens and I clear my throat. “Be careful out there.”
“You be careful here. I’ll check in when I can.”
Somehow, I believe him. I believe he wouldn’t lie to me, unlike previous men in my life.
“I’d like that.”
He peeks over at Louis and Evie and I’d love to know what’s running through his mind as he watches them tenderly kissing. He must see their love like I do. If he’s searching for the same, as I always have, I still can’t quite believe it’s me he wants.
“While I’m gone, I want you to think about us. Cause I’m telling you now, it’s all I’ll be thinking about.”
“You really are moving quickly, you know.”
He smirks. “I know a good thing when I see it.”
My head is telling me to say it’s too much, and him going on this run is good to put some distance between us, but how I feel in my heart and between my legs is screaming to free fall into whatever he wants.
Instead of listening to my head, I close the distance between us and kiss him like it’s going to be our last embrace. It’s going to be a long few days.
“I’m definitely going to miss that.” He chuckles.
“Time to go, brother.”
The sound of my brother’s voice is like an ice-cold shower, and I step back, meeting Evie on the pavement. She slips her arm around me and together we watch our men ride off, well, I suppose he is my man, he certainly acts like he wants to be.
“Louis’s happy I have you with us while he’s gone. He worries too much.”
“You wouldn’t have him any other way.”
Her smile says it all. “No. I wouldn’t.”
We walk into the house and Rosie’s napping in her bouncy chair and Tommy’s using his foot to bounce her while he plays his handheld game. I’m reminded of Louis when we were kids. Always thinking of my comfort while doing his own thing.
I was fifteen and I was in love. It was puppy love of course but love to me all the same. The object of my love was called Lee O’Brian. He would follow Louis around like a loyal soldier, always knowing Louis couldn’t hold true friendships but not caring all the same. He had a mischievous grin and had a knack for finding trouble. Hence why my brother let him tag along. When he first kissed me, my heart exploded in the best way. The kids on the estate were playing Manhunt, a game in which there are two teams, one hides and the other has to find them all. I’d found myself hiding in the same spot as him and I don’t quite remember how it happened, but one moment he was telling me to be quiet, and then his lips were on mine. I’d never been kissed before this and embarrassingly, I didn’t know what I was doing. He didn’t seem to mind, and it felt like it would never end. After that, he would steal kisses whenever my brother wasn’t around, and he gave me something to look forward to. Then one day, I saw him kissing Charmaine Rollins by the shops. I didn’t have room for jealousy, not when my heart was breaking and tears welling in my eyes were blinding me to the betrayal. My father was the first man to break my heart and he did it so well I didn’t know until Lee O’Brian that it could feel anything but pain again. My brother took one scowl at me, frozen where I stood, and then at Lee, with his arms around Charmaine with his lips on hers, and put two and two together. Even if I could’ve moved, I wouldn’t have stopped him. In a way, love and violence were two peas in a pod. Before my mother left, my father declared he loved her all the time, but his kind words were followed by brutal punches and swift kicks to her stomach while she curled up on the floor, trying to protect herself. Louis ran across the street, Lee not seeing him coming, and he landed his fist on the back of his head. Charmaine started screaming as she watched Louis beat Lee up.
My brother never asked what had specifically gone on between Lee and me, and I never offered the information. But he just knew he needed to do it for me.
Yet, I went on to fall in love six more times. Each time falling harder, and each time I was always left in pain. They say you should live and learn, but what about love and learn? It’s automatic to learn from the mistakes of life but never from love. We tend to make mistake after mistake when it comes to matters of the heart and question why over and over, going insane when we can’t work out why it keeps happening.
Manik fills my mind. He wants to talk when he gets back to town, and I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say. Though I have no idea what I’m going to say to him. I want to freefall with him, fall helplessly for him and believe every promise he makes, but the nagging little voice in the back of my mind won’t shut up.
“How was your night last night?” Evie asks, passing me a glass of wine.
“It was… intense. He wants to talk when he gets back.”
“The kids are in bed, Louis’s not here, we have the whole evening to hash things out.”
Laughing, I say, “What do you want to know?”
“To start with I want to know you’re okay. I know when you have a connection with someone, time ceases to exist. But you’ve been through so much, I don’t want you jumping into anything and coming to live with regrets.”
I love her so much more for genuinely caring about me. I tell her, “I won’t lie and say I’m not waiting for the shit to hit the fan and he shows his real colours. I mean, it’s not been long at all and everyone’s their best self at first. But… I already feel more of a connection with him than I have with anyone else. It scares me to no end but I’m so tired of hiding behind walls of fear and insecurities. When I’m around him, I feel like who I always should’ve been, I mean, I’m not totally how I want to be yet and I’m still figuring that out, but this is the most progress I’ve ever made, and it feels good. It feels… normal.”
