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“I guess only time will tell,” I say, hoping to redirect the conversation.
In the times I previously suffered my magic’s backlash, it was always temporary. I had no way of knowing what I would sacrifice to save my sister, and it feels ridiculously spiteful of the universe to take the one thing I covet more than anything as its price.
At this point, I would trade my immortality and live as a human just to be able to experience the gift of having a child.
I’d even consider adoption if it were a thing in the monster community. Unfortunately, children are rare in the supernatural world. It would be almost unheard of for a parent to put their child up for adoption. Even in the case of death, the family would immediately step in to raise them.
Hope is a double-edged sword.
The sliver of a chance I’ll heal is what keeps me going, but if I focus too much on the ember of possibility, then I’ll drive myself crazy.
“Try to stay positive,” Nadia says, like she can read my mind. She continues working her magic before shaking out her hands again. “You can draw good things and healing to yourself using positivity.”
I give her a dubious look.
I don’t want to be a negative asshole, but being optimistic in the past has only led to soul-crushing disappointment.
“Have you noticed the council has been creeping around more and more?” Her forehead wrinkles as she focuses her shadows. The color darkens as she pulls it from my body, shaking it away again. I never know if that’s a good or bad sign. “Apparently, there have been a lot of monsters going missing from Haven. You know Kash?”
“Yeah.”
One of her regulars is an agent with the paranormal council. I’ve done my best to avoid him for obvious reasons, but I know who she’s talking about. He’s a warlock in his early thirties. He’s decent looking, but from the little I’ve seen of his personality, that part is severely lacking.
I’ve never spoken to him directly, and I’m grateful for that. He gives me a creepy feeling any time I see him.
“I normally see him once every two or three months, but he already rebooked for next week, since he’s in town investigating.” She shrugs, blowing a long, wavy brown hair out of her face.
Ice slides through my veins as my magic pulses with my panic. Having the paranormal council focused on Haven is especially dangerous for me.
“Did you feel that?” Nadia smiles so widely it takes over her entire face. “I think your magic is reacting to mine. Maybe we’re getting somewhere.”
I blow out a breath, desperately trying to get myself under control. There’s no way she could know her words send an instant thrum of pure terror through my system.
She really is a good friend.
I’m the awful one in this situation. I’m keeping secrets from everyone I know. On top of that, I’m jealous of the freedom she has to make her own choices while she’s busy trying to help me heal so that I can make my own.
“Yeah, let’s hope so.” I force a smile, but my hands shake. It would be a nightmare to stumble across an agent who knows me. The chances are low, though not impossible.
The only saving grace is there are no cameras or photography in Faere.
Many fae females have similar features to mine. Vivie is a perfect example. She may have a more reddish-blonde hair color than my pinkish-blonde, but our other features are very close to one another. There’s no way someone could know for sure, unless they saw me in the fae realm and cared enough to remember.
“Anyway, I think that’s about all I can do today.” Nadia shakes out her hands a final time. Her shadows immediately pull into her skin.
“Thank you,” I tell her sincerely.
“Ohmigod, girl, stop,” she says, standing. “I’m telling you. One of these days something is going to click, or we’ll break through that wall with your magic, and the next thing you know, you’ll be as big as a bus, all filled up with little half-giant, half-orc babies.” She swipes a hand through the air. “And some of your DNA in there too.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. That’s the stuff my dreams are made of.
* * *
I lean against the wall on the ground floor of the main gambling room later the same day. It’s a wide-open space lined with tables and machines. It’s crowded, but that’s not unusual. The high roller rooms are more subdued, but the energy here is contagious.
“Did you see it?” Charity asks. She practically vibrates with excitement as she comes to stand at my side.
“See what?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
