AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But this is still just the first step of a long journey,” he said. “This isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon and, not to scare you, but there are still a million and one things that could go wrong.”
“Like what?”
He shook his head. “Like it doesn’t matter what, but I, or whoever your doctor is, will keep you updated at every stage. The important thing is to not get ahead of ourselves.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?” The words had gone in one ear and out the other as my mind started bouncing around with every possible question I could have.
“We don’t know yet,” he said. “It’s possible to test for gender when we start doing the genetic tests, but it’s better to just wait for the ultrasound.”
“But I want to know now!”
Maybe the phlebotomist was right about needing to learn to exercise patience.
“Mila,” Leo said. His face was stern and grumpy. He was not matching my good mood, and I had to remind myself that he wasn’t the one having a baby. Still, there were no congratulations, just a matter of fact clinical description of what had happened. The procedure was a success. He might as well have been talking about replacing the rotors in an old car.
“Your journey as a mother begins today,” he said, “and if you’re too fixated on the future, you’ll miss parts of the process. Pregnancy is part of that journey. Try to appreciate that instead of looking forward to what’s going to happen when the baby comes out of you. Trust me, you’ll have plenty to keep you busy.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Also,” he said, “I wouldn’t announce anything just yet.”
That was enough to calm me down for a second. “Why not?”
“I just wouldn’t,” he said. “Like I told you, anything can happen between now and nine months from now. All we know now is that you’re pregnant. We don’t know if it’s a healthy baby and, as exciting as it is to tell friends and family you’re about to have a baby, believe me when I say it’s twice as heartbreaking to call those same people and say that you won’t be.”
I took his message.
“I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I’m just trying to prepare you. In my field, I’ve seen virtually every outcome, and trust me when I say it’s too early at this point to let other people know.”
“Okay,” I told him. “But when can I tell them?”
“At least give it a month or so,” he said. “There’ll still be plenty of time for someone to throw you a shower and all that.”
He reached for Bagel’s harness and leash. “Anyway,” he said, “somebody needs a walk.”
As he put the harness on, I was about to invite myself along, but from the sounds of things it wasn’t what he wanted.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah,” he said, not even looking in my direction. I left the apartment and returned to my own. The second the door closed, I collapsed onto the couch and started sobbing.
CHAPTER16
***LEO***
For me, growing up meant losing friends. They got picked off one by one as they fell into relationships, got married, and had kids. I might still see them for holidays and birthdays, but their lives were too busy to just hang out like we did in college. The more I thought about it, the more I missed those late night study sessions. We thought we were busy, juggling all those premed classes, but we at least got to be busy with our friends.
Now, on a day to day basis, I had brief conversations with my receptionist and nurses, but there were no after work activities the way there were at some of the tech startups I’d heard about. There wasn’t any office bonding. It was just come in, possibly mention the weather, and then bounce from patient to patient, only focusing on work. Because work was important. Work was life or death.
And that’s why it was so important to have someone to come home to. If I didn’t, I was just a working machine with no connection to other people. That’s why it was so important to keep personal and professional life separate.
When I returned to my apartment after work, Mila didn’t care about seeing me. She cared about what her results were. Even when she asked about my day, it felt perfunctory, like she was just killing time while waiting for me to pull up the answer to the question she’d been waiting on. Sure, it was important, but nothing’s more important as basic everyday humanity. What was the point of bringing a new life into a world where everybody was forced to just be a machine for the benefit of everyone else?
I walked Bagel down the street by myself and everywhere I looked, there were happy people. A young couple sharing a moment. Two kids running around them, one of them holding a balloon and playing keep away from the other. An older couple sitting on a bench together, holding hands and nothing more. Two teenagers fighting, but deep down I could see that they cared about each other.
And here I was, by myself, with my dog and no human connection.
My phone rang and I pulled it out. It was Hannah.
