Page 53 of Doctor Dilemma


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“It works now?” I asked.

“It should,” she told me. “I figured you wanted a working model ASAP.”

That was an understatement.

“Anyway, I’ll work on the unit tests tomorrow, but is it cool if I head home a little early today?”

“Absolutely,” I told her. “Have a good evening.”

“Yeah, you too.”

She was clearly drained from staring at the computer monitor, making me unsure whether or not I should trust the updated code. That kind of coding hypnosis often leads to the worst and most obvious errors, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if it’s what created this problem to begin with.

Cheryl was an exceptional coder, though, and I trusted her. If she said it was done, then it was done. Erik offered a second set of eyes on it and, knowing him, he would have loved to prove that he was smarter than she was, but he approved the code.

In other words, I was looking at a functional version of the algorithm that could provide me the answer to my life, once and for all, if Leo and I were meant to be or not.

I almost wanted a drumroll as I put in all the data and reached for the submit button, ready to click it. And then I stopped myself.

There was no benefit to actually finding the answer. No benefit to getting a number. I would have loved to see it come back again with something approaching zero. But what if it shot back a 50% at me? What then? Or even something higher? Would that be good enough to second guess my instincts? Even with a 99% chance of compatibility, we were still left with a 1% chance of failure, which didn’t seem high until I considered the dire consequences on my baby's life. I wasn’t about to play craps with their life.

So I closed the browser window, effectively getting rid of those dice. From here on out, I wasn’t going to rely on some stupid app, which I shouldn’t have done in the first place. I also wasn’t going to rely on Leo to make a promise that no sane man would make — to be there by my side for the rest of his waking life, no matter what obstacles might get in our way.

There was only one thing I could reliably trust, and that was in myself. Everything else was a risk, and I had to do everything in my power to minimize that risk.

Cheryl had the right idea in going home early. I decided to do the same. And from here on out, when the app needed testing, I’d rely on the beta testers rather than do something foolish like jumping into the experiment myself.

CHAPTER26

***LEO***

Iwas not in the best of places. Both literally and figuratively. Even as far as motels go, this one was particularly sleazy. But hiding unwanted dogs in motels was easier than hotels, so it was my best bet. It looked like it had been around since at least the mid-70s and likely not renovated since then. The wall AC unit was deafeningly loud and not particularly effective, so when I needed to cool off before bed, I took an ice cold shower — the only kind offered by the establishment.

Bagel, bless her heart, didn’t seem to mind too much. I could tell she was sad, but she continued to be by my side the whole time. It helped that I’d called in sick for work for a while, which gave me more time with her, which resulted in plenty of walks. Unfortunately, every time I took her in and out of the motel, I was putting the both of us at risk of getting caught, but since this wasn’t a long term solution, I really didn’t give a shit.

I’d go back to the apartment as soon as I worked out the speech I was going to give Mila that would convince her to take me back and put her faith in me once and for all.

But each draft of the speech kept getting more cloying and insincere. I wasn’t buying it, and so I knew she wouldn’t either. Obviously, I needed to write from the heart, but it was still sore from the repeated stress of being broken over and over again, which made it so difficult to be vulnerable. Especially since the risk of rejection was high and catastrophic. I knew I’d only have one shot at this. It had to count. But as time kept passing by, I started having a sinking feeling that my chances were becoming slimmer and slimmer.

As I sat on the bed, typing up the speech on my tablet, Bagel’s ears perked up.

“Easy girl,” I said and pet her to try to calm her down, but she heard something and was at the ready, prepared to defend me just like any good dog should. My fear came from the fact that she wasn’t always good at detecting danger and, in a case like this where she was supposed to be hiding, a bark or two could blow our cover.

“Easy,” I repeated, reaching for a bag of treats on the nightstand, hoping for something to distract her from whatever was outside.

A low growl emanated from her throat. Her bark was much worse than her bite, but with her bark, she’d never need to bite. Anyone who’s ever owned a pittie knows that they’re among the sweetest dogs in the world, but most people haven’t had such a pleasure. And, to the uninitiated, pit bulls were outright terrifying.

The growl stopped, but Bagel was still at full attention. I offered her a treat, placing it right under her nose and then drawing her face away from the window where whatever had caught her attention was. She took the treat and immediately returned to her active state.

Through it all, I kept my cool and pet her gently.

“C’mon girl,” I said, “just sit tight for another day or so, and we can go home.”

Just enough time to figure out what I was going to say to Mila.

And, as if taking my instruction, she settled her head down on the bed, moving to a more relaxed state, allowing me to breathe gently.

Until five seconds later, there was a knock at the door, and Bagel exploded into a cacophony of barks, leaping off of the bed and towards the door, her tail straight up in the air.

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