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“I don’t blame you, but don’t be so quick to write Holden off. He...” She hesitated. “He’s very different than the rest of his family in a lot of ways. His parents were super big on the family legacy and what it means to be a St. James. I think that, as the firstborn, Holden felt a lot of pressure that Macon was able to avoid. Holden always took the brunt of his parents’ expectations. It’s not that they were bad parents, just very demanding.”
I let the new information sink in while I ate a few more bites of my sandwich. It was strange to think of Holden facing the same struggles that I’d faced growing up — feeling the weight of parental expectations and living in the golden shadows of our siblings. It humanized him in a way that I didn’t care for at all. It was much easier to keep hating him, to see him as a one-dimensional character.
“I’ll keep that in mind. But I have a feeling I’ll still want to strangle him a few times before the wedding day.”
“Well, if you can resist the urge and strangle your sister instead, I promise to post your bail. And I know a very good attorney...”
“Deal.”
We spent the rest of dinner talking about growing up and what I’d been doing with my life since high school. By the time we were finished, the sun was just starting to slide below the horizon. I drove home feeling lighter than I had in a long time, and genuinely glad that I’d had the chance to catch up with Cam.
I pulled into the driveway and saw Mama sitting on the porch, with a glass of what looked like her special lemonade in her hand. She wasn’t a big drinker by any means, but she did enjoy the occasional glass of lemonade with a splash of bourbon and honey in the evenings.
“Come sit with me, baby,” Mama said as I walked up the stairs. She patted the empty spot on the porch swing next to her.
I sat down, making the swing rock gently. We sat in comfortable silence, watching the sky turn from gemstone orange to vibrant pinks and purples.
“How was your dinner?” she asked, moving her gaze from the sunset to me.
“Great! It was so nice to catch up with Cam. It’s still hard for me to accept that she’s old enough to have multiple children.”
“Isn’t it? I feel that way about every milestone you girls reach. I’m so glad that you were able to come home. You’ve been such a big help and we’ve loved getting to spend all this time with you.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I wish it didn’t take your daddy falling through a floor to get you to visit, though.”
Her words were like an arrow straight to my heart, the sharp point coated with guilt. I hadn’t really thought much about the fact that my parents might miss me. I’d been selfishly focusing on trying to avoid Sissy and the destruction that always seemed to follow her.
“I know Sissy has been a bit...difficult since she came back from LA,” Mama began, pushing off the ground with her foot and setting the swing in motion. “She’s always wanted to be something big, and I think she was sure that would happen for he\r in LA. When things didn’t go the way she had hoped, she had to come home, and that can be a very hard thing to do sometimes. She’s learned that it’s easier to be big someplace small, if that makes sense. It’s been a tough pill for her to swallow. Not that she talks to me about it. Still, it’s going to take time. Be patient with her.”
Sissy had been more than “a bit difficult” from birth, but this didn’t feel like the time to mention that fact.
“I’ll try to be patient,” I promised her. “And I’ll try to come home more often. I’m sorry if I made you and Daddy feel like I didn’t want to see you.”
The arm not holding her lemonade reached around my shoulders, pulling my head down to rest in the soft spot between her neck and shoulder. I snuggled closer, breathing in the subtle hints of lavender I always associated with her. No matter how old I got, I didn’t think there could ever be anything more comforting than a hug from my mama.
“We never thought that, baby.” She pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “We’ve always been so proud of you. I remember the day you got your scholarship letter to Georgia Tech. Your daddy and I looked at each other and couldn’t believe we made such a smart child.”
“You and Daddy are both smart.”
“Oh, we do just fine for ourselves, but you’re in a whole different league from us.” She ran her fingers through my hair absently. “I’ve always been in awe of you, and I hope you know how special I think you are, baby.”
I sat up so I could meet her eyes.
“What brought all this on?”
“I was just thinking about you going back to Savannah tomorrow, and all the things I wish I’d done different with you girls.” She gave me a sad little smile that broke my heart into about a million tiny pieces.
“Mama, you and Daddy were amazing parents,” I reassured her. “I feel so lucky that I got to be your child.”
“Thank you for saying that. I’m so lucky to be your mama.”
We sat swinging side by side, lost in our own thoughts together, until the sun finally disappeared.
15
“Let me see a picture of the dress.” Maxine held out her hand expectantly while I flipped through the pictures on my phone.
“Here you go.” I passed her the phone. “This is the top contender, but you can swipe back through the other dresses she tried on, too. I haven’t deleted any of the pictures yet.”
“Not bad. I was expecting worse.” Maxine tilted my phone so Jin could see the picture from his spot at our lunch table in the break room. “Alright let’s get to the good stuff.”
