Page 90 of Pretend With Me


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Mama walked over to where Sissy was being zipped into her dress.

“Can I stay for the reveal? I don’t want to miss that special moment.”

“Of course,” Sergeant Wedding rushed to assure her. “My assistant will get the bridesmaids in order while you’re doing pictures here, and then an usher will escort you to your seat.”

I watched quietly from the side as Skye and Amber fussed over Sissy, making tiny adjustments to her dress and taking pictures with their phones. Her dress was not my style — it showed enough skin that the Baptist section of the wedding was probably going to have a collective stroke — but she did look amazing. I snapped a picture and sent it to Max.

Me: Even I have to admit that Sissy looks beautiful.

Max: I don’t care about Bridal Barbie, send me a picture of you. She does look good though.

Attaching a picture I had taken in the mirror earlier, I hit send.

Max: Sutton, you look stunning!!! Holy shit. I hope Holden’s tuxedo pants have extra room in the crotch [winking face emoji].

Me: Why are you like this?

“Two minutes!” Lieutenant Love shouted over the commotion, then said something into the small walkie-talkie she carried on her clipboard.

Setting my phone on the table, I dug out the lip gloss the makeup artist had given me and applied another coat. My heart started to flutter erratically, and it felt like my stomach was tying itself into knots with nerves — nerves that had nothing to do with walking down the aisle while hundreds of people watched me, and everything to do with seeing Holden.

I wanted him to think I looked beautiful. I wanted him to be blown away. I wanted real magic that would make him fall in love with me.

“Time’s up, ladies!” Private Planner clapped her hands, forcing me to abandon my growing list of wishes. I walked over to where she was standing by the door, taking deep breaths in an effort to slow my rapid heartbeat.

She handed us each a bouquet, and then the door was opening and there stood Holden, hands loosely fisted at his side waiting.

He looked up at the sound of the door opening and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest as his eyes traced every inch of my face before traveling downward. Ignoring everyone else, I walked to him, wanting to see his eyes for the little tells I recognized.Want, want, want.This man always had me wanting.

“Sutton.” His voice was low and rough, and it sent a warm shiver through me. “You look...” One of his hands left his side to scrub over his mouth but I heard something that sounded an awful lot like “fuck me.” Then he said, “You look absolutely beautiful.”

“Thank you.” I felt my cheeks flush with delight. “And you look very handsome. Let me just...” With the hand not holding my bouquet, I reached up to adjust his bow tie. “There.”

His hand came up to wrap around my wrist. He looked at his hand there and I could almost feel his eyes traveling up my arm until they met mine. My heart and breath felt like they slowed to the point that I didn’t even exist anymore when I saw what looked an awful lot like longing reflected back at me.

“Pair up and line up!” Major Matrimony whisper-yelled, arranging us beside the large hedges and flower arrangements that shielded us from view of the guests. “Remember, mother of the bride goes first. Then our maid of honor and best man. Slow steps, people. This isn’t a race. You don’t want to be blurs in all the pictures, okay?”

I slid my arm through Holden’s, my heart leaping out of my chest as he brought my hand closer to the warmth of his body. His cologne cocooned me in that familiar scent that made my heart flutter, making it feel like I was entirely surrounded by him.

Mama came out of the building as if summoned by the music, wiping furiously at her eyes. She squeezed my arm as she walked by. I saw her shoulders rise and fall quickly, and then she was slipping her arm into the usher’s and making her way down the aisle with all the contained elegance befitting a former beauty queen.

It might have just been the fact this was a wedding and weddings were (usually) about love, but in that moment, I felt so overwhelmed by how much I loved her that tears started to well up. I let out a watery sigh that drew Holden’s attention.

“Okay?” he whispered, his breath sending those tendrils of hair dancing.

I nodded, taking a breath and holding it for a second.

I turned my head, tilting it up to look at him as the music changed, signaling that it was time for us to walk down the aisle. He smiled down at me. “Ready?”

“Ready.” I fixed my gaze straight ahead, pretending that the room was empty and it was just Holden and me, taking a weird walk.

As we took the first steps onto the cobblestone path lined with rose petals of delicate pink and vivid red, I couldn’t stop myself from imagining a different wedding. One where Holden was standing at the end of the aisle. One where I walked toward him wearing Mama’s dress, while he waited for me with the same anxious but happy smile that Macon was currently sporting as he shifted from foot to foot.

I loved him.

I felt it with a certainty that I knew time and distance wouldn’t change. I snuck a quick glance up at him and he squeezed my hand in acknowledgment. Tears welled up in my eyes — tears that had nothing to do with Sissy’s wedding and everything to do with the thought that Holden might not love me back. Probably didn’t love me back.

I took a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Holden aside and focusing on our slow march to the rose-covered arch at the end of the aisle. Mama turned in her seat to watch our progress. She was smiling but also dabbing under her eyes with a tissue, and the love and pride I saw on her face had me fighting back my own tears. I smiled at her, feeling my chin wobbling and more tears building.

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