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I start to walk down the hall and pause. “I wish you knew how sorry I am. I didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry too.” It’s all he says as I disappear into the laundry room.
A few hours later, my eyes fly open as I realize I must’ve fallen asleep in my effort to give Hawk privacy. I rise up, feeling a bit disoriented, and fling the blanket off that I don’t remembering grabbing. My phone is beside me and I see it’s early afternoon…like almost dinnertime. I was out longer than I thought, but I was completely exhausted.
I sit the rest of the way up and find Hawk, fully clothed, sitting in the corner of my room in the chair I used to have in my bedroom as a teenager. It’s wide and fluffy and white. It’s seen better days, but it brings me comfort and I can’t part with it.
The man occupying my chair is studying me intently. Nothing about his features gives me comfort. It confirms my fears…I’m in deep shit and I’ve inadvertently lost him in the process.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“When do you go back to Nashville, Brittney?”
“I’m supposed to be there tomorrow evening. I had agreed to stay through Saturday morning because I need to work at High Road then.”
He nods as he mulls it over before rising from the chair. “You won’t be going back alone.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, as I plant my feet on the floor and stand on legs that feel like noodles.
He crosses his muscular arms over his chest. He can wear the hell out of some plaid. Not a fact I should notice as I’m trying to find a way out of this mess, I know, but I can’t help the heat rushing to my core. I try to discreetly squeeze my thighs together, but he notices the slight movement and his gaze shifts there.
His pupils dilate and his nostrils flare, but he makes no move toward me. “I mean until we get you out of this, you don’t go anywhere without me.”
“Don’t you have to work at Valley B? I want your help, but I don’t want you to lose your job because of me…or anything else for that matter,” I tell him.
“You may have provided the opening for them, Brittney, but this wasn’t ever about you. It’s always been about me. I’ve been living on borrowed time while they’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to strike,” he says flatly.
“What does that even mean, Hawk? I’m lost.”
“It means the time I spent in Nashville came with a price. And now they’re coming to collect. You’re only a pawn in their hellish game,” he says angrily.
I start to reach for him, but he steps back. It’s like he kicked me in the gut; I feel sick, but I try to mask it. “Tell me why they’re doing this, then. If I’m some chess piece in a war I don’t understand, you can at least tell me why they want to hurt you.”
Something flashes in his eyes and his lips press in on themselves. After a few beats of silence between us, I straighten my spine. Damn him for keeping more secrets, especially when I’m part of this now.
“I guess you’re the one who’s decided we’re not worth it, then. This may be your war, but I stumbled into it unknowingly anyway. If I’m doomed to marry this man by no other actions than my own naïve nature, you can at least come clean about why this is happening, so when I have to endure his touch instead of yours, I can find a reason to hate you again.”
He clenches his jaw and balls his fists at his sides as I storm out of my bedroom without a backward glance.
When the dryer cut off, I grabbed my clothes and dressed as I cursed my weakness when it comes to her. I panicked this morning when I found her front door unlocked and her clothes strewn down the hall. Then she glanced up at me with such sad eyes, I had to comfort her.
After I dressed, I pushed the door to her bedroom open and found her sleeping on top of her covers. I saw a blanket draped over a chair I recognized from her bedroom growing up. I covered her as she slept peacefully.
My guilt is so heavy, it threatens to bring me to my knees. I want to fix this. I want us to be okay. But I don’t know how. I majored in law when I attended college, but I didn’t become an attorney. It was another piece of my life they were trying to use, so I despised it and left it behind. I don’t see any loophole to break this contract, which means the “out” mentioned will be something of Matteo’s choosing, should he be so merciful.
And mercy is one thing he won’t show me again. In his eyes, I’m the liar…I’m the betrayer. I didn’t try to convince him otherwise because it was pointless. He wouldn’t have seen the truth and believed it. I loved him like a brother, and now he’s harboring years’ worth of rage for me. The way out, if he allows one, will no doubt uproot everything. I know what he wants.
I slip back to the kitchen and stare at my phone as I contemplate what I’m about to do. I bring Mamma’s number up and press the green button and wait for her to answer.
“Hawk?” she answers on the first ring.
“Mamma. I need you to give me Marco’s number,” I tell her without explanation.
“Why? You know I don’t talk to my family anymore.”
A sad sigh escapes my lips. “You know, I know you do, Mamma.”
“No, Hawk. You can’t go back. Leave that life and everything in it, in the past,mio figlio,” she pleads.
