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What a mess.
“You can put me down for a booth,” Clara said with decisiveness, nodding her head.
“All right. I will.”
“Didn’t you want to talk to Eva?” Matt said after Clara and Jubilee hashed out the details and Clara hurried off to grab something to eat.
“I think I’ll let it go for now,” Jubilee said, taking her hand out of his. “If you don’t mind, I think I better go catch up with your mom and my girls.”
He was going to offer to go with her, but the way she pulled her hand away, and the way she looked made him feel that maybe she was still working through her issues, and he didn’t want to push her.
But at the same time, he didn’t want her to not know how he felt. After all, if they just danced around that, if she were thinking about whether she wanted to be with him or not, he didn’t want her to wonder how he felt about her.
“I’m going to assume that’s you leaving me. Sorry about the handholding.”
“I liked it.” She closed her eyes, almost as though she were trying to settle something inside of her, and needed the privacy to do so. “I really liked it. But, I think maybe I just need to...”
“Take it slow. I understand. Truly, but I want you to understand that the way I feel isn’t going to change. What I want isn't going to change, and the way I act isn’t going to change. I get that you’ve been with people who bailed on you, hurt you, and let you down. And that’s not going to be me.”
He meant those words with his whole heart, but he couldn’t make her understand, couldn’t make her see, and couldn’t force her to do what he wanted her to. He could only stand there and hope that she chose him. And that she did it in a reasonable amount of time.
“You do realize that we would have three children together if we were to go through with us?”
“I’m okay with that. And I think they get along really well.”
“You’re right. I think they do. But three?”
“Maybe we would have four or five.”
That made her head jerk up.
He almost laughed at how fast her head moved. But, he was serious. It wasn’t that he wanted a boy, necessarily, although people would probably accuse him of that. It was just that... He wouldn’t mind having a child with Jubilee. Didn’t think that three children were too much. Wouldn’t mind being a parent with her.
“We’d have such a blended family,” she said, and she was chewing on her lip again.
“Is that going to be a problem?”
“It’s not an ideal family.”
“Is there anything in life that’s ideal?”
“No. Of course not. Nothing in my life has turned out the way I wanted it to.”
“And it’s probably not going to start. But, they can’t keep us from moving forward. From continuing to make the best decisions that we can. We can’t just throw up our hands and say it’s not going to be the best, so therefore I’m not even going to try.”
“All right. You have a point, and I know you’re right, but still just not sure how I feel about it. You know?”
“Why don’t you take some time to think about it? No pressure here. Like I said, I am not going anywhere. And, I’m not changing.”
“Thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. For not pushing me to be what you want me to be right this second. I... Honestly I feel like that’s the way it’s going to go, but I just need a little bit of time to get myself pointed in that direction. This wasn’t what I was expecting when I moved here.”
“It wasn’t what I was expecting when I saw you along the side of the road, either.”
“Well, we’ll have a fun story to tell everyone how we met anyway.” She laughed a little. “Which involves me having no money, no gas, no hope. You’re the hero in that story for sure.”
“You are the heroine. Because I got to rescue you. I know about women’s lib and all of that, but a guy still wants to feel like a hero sometimes.”
“Well then I can say, and you know it’s true, you’re my hero.”
