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“I know. I appreciate that. I just don’t think I’m ready to.”
“And my offer still stands, I can find you a therapist out of town. I know you wouldn’t want one in town, but we can find you one to talk about everything.”
“I-I just don’t think I’m ready for that quite yet,” I admit. The thought of purging my thoughts to a complete stranger feels oddly exhausting.
“Okay, well if you want to.” I nod.
I know Jen means well. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist, and I’m sure that in time I will sign myself up for therapy. It is clearly needed after what I’ve been through. I’m just not ready yet. And sure, maybe I should push myself and just go, but for now I don’t want to push myself out of any more boundaries. I just want to eat pizza with my best friend and try not to think about the man who put his hands on me and made me lose trust in everything else. It’s funny how one person can make you feel like your world is upside down with a few simple actions. I guess that’s what happens when you let love take over. I know I won’t let that happen to me ever again. The next time I fall in love, I’ll protect my heart.
CHAPTER6
CARTER
I swallowmy pride and leave it at the door as I step into Cinnamon Roll Saviors this morning. I decided today would be the day I ask out Lainey. I am tired of wondering if everything is in my head or she actually likes me. So I am going to be the bigger person and just ask her out. Sure, it could be all in my head but I am willing to place that bet against myself.
“Hey,” Lainey greets me with a genuine smile.
“Hey.” I smile back.
“What can I get you today?”
“I would love another pumpkin latte, a cinnamon roll, and your number?”
“E-excuse me?” Lainey is all ready to get my order until she hears my last request.
“I was hoping you’d want to go out with me. So can I have your number?” I repeat. It is more nerve wracking saying it the second time.
“Uh.” Lainey looks like a deer in headlights. I can see a million thoughts racing behind her head, and I can’t tell which direction she is going in. Is she about to let me down gently or is she going to tell to say yes?
“I-I’ve never been out with a woman before,” she blurts out just loud enough for me to hear.
“Oh.” Now my eyes are wide. I don’t make it a habit of going out with women who are experimenting, but I didn’t take her as the bi curious type. I had read her as being into women, was I wrong to think that?
“I-I think I’d like to go but I don’t know…” her voice trails. I understand what she’s saying.
“If you want to, we can go out and I promise to take things slow.” It’s not like I have a habit of sleeping with women on the first date anyway.
“I’d like that a lot.” She smiles, nodding.
“Perfect, so can I have your number?”
She picks up a piece of register paper and writes her name and number on it. I tuck it into the front pocket of my jeans and smile. Lainey grabs the rest of my order and I take it with me to work. It’s a usually busy day at work that I don’t have a chance to text Lainey, let alone put the number in my phone. But I check throughout the day that it’s still there. Almost like a good luck charm, I keep touching the paper just to make sure I didn’t lose it.
“Your last client cancelled, sorry, Carter,” Addison says, knocking lightly on the open door.
“No worries, I was tired anyway,” I admit.
“Headed home then?” She looks at the clock.
“Yeah, is that okay?”
“Go for it, I’m just getting some practice in before I start working on people,” Addison says, holding up the fake skin she’s been practicing tattooing on.
“Gotcha.” Before I head out the door, I clean up my room, leaving everything set up for tomorrow morning. Then I finally grab the piece of paper from my pocket and add Lainey’s number into my phone.
I think about what I want to say when I text her. Do I just go for the normal ‘Hey, it’s Carter’? Do I go for something funny? Something sweet? Something original? While I’m busy overthinking it, I decide to drive home. Although I drive on autopilot all the way home, I still don’t know what I should text her by the time I get to my apartment.
Unlocking the front door, I’m met by my cozy and clean apartment. It’s bigger than I’d like, but it works for me. It has an extra bedroom that I’ve dubbed an art storage room. If I didn’t work so much I would get myself a dog, but with the hours I keep, it just wouldn’t be fair. Plus I like working too much to cut back on that. I like staying busy and I like having money for things that I want to do. I hang up my coat by the front door and kick off my boots. Then I look for something to eat in my fridge and end up with a bowl of cereal. Sniffing the milk, deeming it to still be fresh, I have a hearty bowl of cheerios and call it a night.
