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I pinned my lips together. “A truce means I can’t push him away to protect myself. I can’t afford to fall right back into the same place I was four years ago.”
Penny blinked. “Sav, you’re not going to fall in love just because you’re temporarily nice to him. Keep your focus on what’s best for the bookstore. You said he’s helping you renovate, right?”
I nodded.
“Okay, then only talk to him about renovations. Being kind doesn’t have to mean you two become best friends. You can be distant and still maintain a positive rapport. How do you think I deal with Stacey’s petty workplace harassment?”
I shrugged and gestured for her to tell me.
“With grace,” she said. “And that’s what you need to learn. Some grace.”
I groaned. “I’m the least graceful person on the planet.”
“Hmm,” she mused. “Sounds like quitter talk to me.”
My gaze shifted into a glare. “Fine, you make some good points.”
She grinned. “I know I do.”
Our server returned a few moments later with our food. We spent the rest of the meal catching up on everything else. She showed me a video of her daughter taking her first steps, and I was so happy for them. Michael was a nice guy, and their baby was adorable and smart. As proud as I was, there was still a tiny part of me that panged with jealousy.
I didn’t begrudge Penny her wonderful husband and daughter, of course. But I wished I could have those things too.
When would it be my turn to find someone?
I’d once thought that person was Chris, but I’d learned how wrong that silly dream had been.
I couldn’t trust myself when my heart turned toward him like a compass always pointing north. The only thing I could control was our distance. Even with us together every day in the bookstore, I had to find a way to maintain that distance no matter what.
5
CHRIS
“Look who’s finally here!”Sean shouted from across The Tavern. I clocked him and Brian, another long-time friend, in a booth in the corner of the empty bar.
I’d known Brian since I was ten years old and his family had moved to Carswell from the city. Sean was book smart, I had been wild, and Brian was reliable. He worked for me as a project manager, so I saw him almost daily.
I forced a smile, waving at the bartender and other customers I recognized on my way over. Seeing Sean sent me a fresh wave of guilt after my impure thoughts about Sav earlier in the day. During my tour of Sparks, I kept checking her out when she wasn’t looking, imagining what her body looked like under the long skirt, book nerdy crop top, and light cardigan. When I held her hand in mine, I swear I sensed the same heat between us that I felt years ago on that night. I almost pulled her into my arms so I could feel her lips again.
Her face also captured my attention each time she spoke. She had the most adorable expressions, and I realized how much I missed being close to her. I missed laughing with her. Hearing her voice had brought back familiar feelings I’d pushed down long ago.
She was interesting, and I liked listening to what she had to say, but it’d been so long since I’d been lucky enough to hear her thoughts. It hurt to remind myself of how easily she’d dismissed me all those years ago.
I’d thought of her as someone I needed to protect at all costs, and I’d felt like she’d only seen me as someone she could casually sleep with on a drunken night.
But I did miss those times when I felt like we had a strong friendship. And I wanted to find a way to bridge that gap safely and find a way to feel comfortable around her again. A place where we could laugh and joke around. I hoped working together on the bookstore reno could possibly mend that bridge.
And damn it if I couldn’t still feel my arm around her, her ass against me as I kept her from stumbling on the stairs.
“What took you so long?” Brian said. “Had to end a date early?”
“Unfortunately,” I joked. “She begged for more, but my friends come first.”
“What a heartbreaker,” Sean said with a smile, knowing I was full of shit.
I’d been working late, shifting schedules around to accommodate renovations at the new location. One of the nice things about owning a construction company was that we didn’t have to hire any outside contractors. I’d spent the evening scheduling meetings to discuss the changes with my team and determine our next steps. Brian knew this because he’d already confirmed the event invite I’d sent out thirty minutes ago.
“Sit,” Sean commanded, patting the seat beside him. “Be merry. There’s much to discuss.”
