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"I know you tried," I said gently. "But you can’t drink your problems away. You have to work at a relationship. Make it a priority if you guys are having issues. If it’s not right, then make a clean break and move on. Trust me, I learned that the hard way."
I thought of my ex-wife and felt a twist of regret. We had dragged on our relationship longer than we should have. We both would’ve been happier ending things sooner.
Todd dropped his head in his hands again. "I just wish I could fix this," he said. "Make Lana happy, be better..."
"Then be better. Get yourself clean. You’ve done it once, you can do it again.” I squeezed his shoulder. “You know I’m here for you. You don’t have to do it alone."
My heart ached for him. Under all the lashing out, Todd was still thevulnerable kidI grew up protecting.
With Todd being five years younger than me, the impact of losing our parents was bigger for him. It had messed up him. He feared rejection and had a boatload of insecurities. Lana turning him down had brought a lot of that back for him.
That wasn’t her fault. Maybe I hadn’t been supportive enough.
Todd didn't respond or lift his head. I stood up with a sigh, realizing he probably needed space to process.
"I'm heading out," I told him. "Text me if you need anything, okay?"
Todd just gave a half-hearted grunt in response. I hoped I had gotten through to him at least a little, but only time would tell. As frustrated as I was with Todd lately, I knew it came from a place of deep hurt and insecurity.
But he had to be the one to decide to change. Brothers or not, he had to walk his own path.
12
LANA
I watchedwith concern as Todd downed another shot at the bar with his friends. My heart ached with guilt. I never meant to hurt him.
As Todd ordered another round, I squeezed his arm. "Hey, I'm gonna step outside for some air." He waved me off, reaching again for his freshly refilled glass.
I wove through the crowded bar until the cool night air hit my face. Taking a deep breath, I leaned against thebrick walland stared up at the night sky.
My emotions felt tangled and confused.
Things had been tense between us ever since I rejected his proposal. I felt awful, but I didn’t think I should take all the blame.
Marriage wasn’t something to pop onto someone. And not after five months of dating. I guessed it was a romantic notion, but to me it seemed like one more irresponsible, spontaneous thing Todd did to go with the rest.
Maybe he thought an engagement would somehow keep us together despite the problems we were starting to have.
The door swung open again and Todd sauntered out, blinking against the bright street lights.
"There you are," he said, draping an arm around my shoulder. “What are you doing out here? Everything ok?”
“Yeah, just getting some air.” I sighed heavily.
He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me softly. He wasn’t quite drunk yet, but I could sense he was getting there.
“Todd, let’s get out of here,” I said, hoping he’d be swayed easily tonight. “We can go back to my place, order some food. Have a night in.”
“Leave so soon? It’s Mike’s birthday and we just got here not too long ago,” he replied. “Come on, let’s go back inside. One more drink and then we can go home.”
One turned into two, and then two into a lot more. Soon enough, Todd was stumbling around with his friends who were just as drunk.
I didn’t want to be there but I couldn’t just leave him there in that condition. I had to make sure he got home safely at least.
I managed to get Todd in the car with the help of one of his more responsible friends, who managed not to get trashed like the rest of them.
The drive was quiet. Todd stared out the window, exhaling a deep breath.
