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I flinch back, eyes wide. “How did you—?” But of course she knows.
She’s Carson’s wife.
“I guess this makes us sisters-in-law,” she says, but she sounds strangely sad. “How’d it happen? Let me guess, Nolan made you an offer?”
“Something like that.” I’m trying not to cry as I walk her through everything, spilling the story out like a broken dam. When it’s all in the air, Ash sighs and leans up against the wall.
“How are you feeling now? You know, since you’re the latest Crowley wife?”
“I’m not sure. Things are… weird between us. I met Molly last night. She had dinner with me and Nolan at his place.”
“Really?” She seems surprised. “Dara and I have been trying to get Molly to come to of her wing for weeks now. I think she’s depressed.”
“She’s definitely depressed,” I confirm. “She told me to run away from the family.”
Ash laughs, but her smile fades. “Really?” She looks concerned. “That doesn’t sound like her. Molly Crowley’s whole life has been that organization. If anything, I would’ve bet she’d make you swear a loyalty oath.”
“Did she do that with you?”
“No, but Orin passed around the time I joined the family. She’s been a little preoccupied.”
I chew my lip, nodding, not looking at her. “I guess I’m at a loss. I don’t really know what to do.”
Ash studies me. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but it can’t be good. I refused to take her money on principle, but I was willing to marry Nolan instead. She can’t possibly understand that choice—how Nolan essentially forced me into it, how going to Ash felt like giving up—and I fully expect her to be angry.
Instead, she only seems sad.
“I don’t know what you should do either,” she admits. “I wish you could’ve taken my money instead of Nolan’s, but I understand why you were put into that position, and I understand the choices you made. They’re not the same choices I would’ve made, but still. I get it. It’s only—” She takes a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I walk over and hug her tightly. She hugs me back, tentative, but I needed this. I feel like I’ve been so distant from Ash lately, like I’ve been dealing with this Nolan thing all alone. I’ve been too afraid to talk to her, and since Jamila hates me, I can’t confide in my former best friend. I’ve been so isolated, and just having Ash here, talking to me about my situation, that makes it a little bit easier.
“I don’t think Nolan wants to hurt me,” I say softly, pulling away and wiping my eyes.
“You’re sure about that? The Crowley boys sometimes have a strange way of showing their affection.”
“I think he wants to keep me.” I hesitate, not sure how I can explain it, but decide to dive in. “When we started, he was talking about how he doesn’t like his life and he’s trying to find meaning. He thinks I’m going to be that purpose. Like we’ll have a family together and that’ll solve his existential crisis.”
Ash whistles. “I never would’ve imagined Nolan had that level of depth to him.”
“How much do you know about Nolan? I mean, before I married him?”
Ash leads me over to a half-finished bench. We sit together, her legs crossed toward me. I feel stiff, exhausted, and afraid. But I desperately need to keep this conversation going, if at least to find out a little bit about the family I married into.
“He and Carson used to be close, but then they had a falling out around the time Carson and I got together.” She smiles bitterly. “The family’s been changing a lot these last few years.”
“But what kind of person is Nolan?”
“I don’t know him that well,” she admits. “Carson says he’s dependable, he’s a good man, but that means a lot of things in their line of work. He’s got a reputation for—” She stops herself, glancing at me.
“Go ahead, say it.”
“He runs good crews. Street crews. Which means he’s got to be a little, you know, hard.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, he’s violent, or so I hear.”
I tap my fingers against my knee as it jostles up and down. “Women? Does he have girlfriends?”
“I don’t know. Most of the family guys have girls. Some are married, some are lifelong bachelors. I always figured Nolan wouldn’t ever settle down.”
“Because he’s constantly with new girlfriends?”
