Page 150 of If By Chance


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I don’t want to see it.

“Can you teach me another song when I come back?”

Uneasy with the number of emotions I’m going through today, I ruffle his hair and choose to stay on the honesty train. “I’ll be going home soon. But we can play at the shelter when you visit.”

“You can always visit us here,” he suggests, eyes bright. He leans in, lowering his voice. “Dad isn’t as good at sock races as you.”

Looking at Jake for help, a small part of me crushes. He’s stoic with nothing readable in his expression.

Soon, I’ll pack my time here away with all my other memories because outside of this house, we don’t exist.

We’ve created our own black hole, pulled toward each other, and sucked in.

I fear that when I finally claw my way out, I’ll leave part of myself behind.

With him.

“Maybe,” I breathe, kissing the top of his head.

Hugging Jay-Jay, I leave, ignoring the eyes following me as I walk away.

***

“You can stop crying now. You’ll see him again next week.”

I sniff, wiping my nose.

I’ll be back at my house soon.

I think.

It should give me hope. It should make me feel better.

I hate it when it doesn’t.

“I know. I just hate goodbyes.”

“He’ll be back next week,” he repeats slowly, like I didn’t hear him the first time.

He’s making fun of me.

He hated saying goodbye to Jay-Jay, too. I see how much he misses him in how he hangs his head after their phone calls every night.

If I have this ache in my chest, Jake must be crumbling on the inside.

Jay-Jay didn’t care.

He laughed when I cried.

Just like his father.

“You know, he spent more time with you when he was here than me.” That makes my heart hurt again. “We had an amazing day, and you’re fogging up the room with tears.”

My glare is blistering, but he merely scowls at me.

We did have an amazing day, and everyone was still having fun when we left the shelter because we have to get ready for a stupid auction.

I’m sulking.

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