Page 30 of It Should Have Been You

I’ve never had any shoots there, but I’ve seen pictures and Kim is right, it’s beautiful. Picturesque with a mountain backdrop.

“I can look online when you’re gone. See if anything is available that suits.”

“Thanks, Kim.”

I’m pretty sure this day is already getting on top of me, so I go to the sink and toss the rest of my coffee in the sink. Coffee isn’t helping my spiraling anxiety, so I clean dishes I’ve already cleaned.

Kim joins me, not saying a word as she picks up the towel and dries. I glance at her from the corner of my eye and hate when I see the sympathy shining.

I already know what she’s about to say.

“Don’t, Kim.”

“You’re tired,” she says.

“I’m always tired.”

“No, you’re really tired. You’ve got that look in your eyes again. Are you still going to therapy?”

Frustrated, I press my hands against the sink and drop my head. I don’t want to have this conversation.

She’s worried.

I get it.

But I can’t do this. Not now.

“Yes, once every fortnight.”

“Beth—”

“Stop,” I cut her off. “I love that you’re here and that you’re helping. I appreciate you more than I can say, but I need to get this week over with.”

“You’re scared,” she states because she knows me. I might have lost her a long time, but she knows me just like I know her.

“I’m terrified,” I admit not daring to look at her and confirm all her suspicions.

I don’t sleep and when I do, nightmares haunt me. I find it hard to breathe for no reason. I zoned out in a queue yesterday as memories raced through my mind. The man standing behind me touched my shoulder to see if I was okay and I flinched. Not a small one either. I almost jumped out of my shoes. He looked at me like I was crazy.

Maybe I am.

Maybe that’s the answer to everything.

I’m crazy.

I’ll get it together again. I always do.

I have to.

Her tone is softer when she rests her head on my shoulder. “Tell me.”

This is going to sound stupid because it is stupid. “I’ve never chosen where to live before. I went from living with my father to living with you when I was in college. My apartment in London was chosen by the firm. Someone organized for me to stay here. It was done for me. Then there’s…” I swallow the acid rising in my throat.

“He who shall not be named?”

I hate when a chill runs down my spine, but I refuse to give his name more power than it deserves. “My husband. You can say his name.”

“I fucking hate his name,” she snaps, each word coated in venom. “I hate him. I hate that he kept us apart. I hate what he did to you. He was a monster.”

Source: www.allfreenovel.com