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“Felix, we really need you in here. We’re writing the lyrics for the song. Please come and sort out your brother, he’s doing my head in. You’re a poet. Please, please help us make this song lyrically good while containing a secret hidden message? Please?”
Felix came into the room chuckling, followed by Reed who looked relieved. He looked at the scores of abandoned lyrical ideas. “You never were much of a wordsmith.”
I scowled. “Yeah, well, you can’t sing for shit.”
He smiled, good-naturedly. “That’s why I’m a poet, and you’re a singer. Come on, let me see what you’ve got.”
Felix looked over our notes, howling with laughter at certain parts of my scrawled handwriting and bringing highlights over to Reed to giggle at together. Was it me, or was there a kind of... thing between those two?
Oh my god.It all clicked into place. My brother and my bandmate. I knew Felix was gay – he’d come out at college, while I’d been on tour – but as far as I knew, Reed had always seemed asexual, never interested in anyone. This was the first time I’d ever seen him like this: leaning in close, giggling, lingering gazes into Felix’s eyes... oh my god.
When I looked up, they were staring at me.
“Cat got your tongue?” Reed raised an eyebrow.
Maybe they wanted to keep it private. I should try subtlety for once. I owed them both that much. “N-no, just, erm, thinking about lyrics.” I wasn’t sure if that was subtle enough, considering I usually just blurted out whatever was in my head.
The two of them looked at each other. Felix was giving Reed a look like: ‘should we tell him?’ And Reed shrugged. It seemed the consensus was not to broach it with me just yet. They probably thought I’d lose my mind, as I kind of had each time one of my Brock brothers had fallen in love and settled down.
But things were different now. Back then, I had felt like singledom was a beautiful prize that must be preserved, and that to settle down was to end your own life and become part of something worse. Except, with Luna... when I imagined settling down with Luna, I imagined everything becoming better. I could finally see what my brothers had seen in the idea of marriage.
Maybe, because my heart had always been with Luna, I’d subconsciously decided that if I couldn’t have her, I didn’t want anyone. All these years of dating around, never really feeling that much interest in anyone, and scorning the courtships and marriages of my brothers, was really just a cover for the fact that I’d lost the love of my life, and was never going to get her back.
Now, I did have her back. My delusions were revealed for delusions. Underneath it all, I just wanted to be with Luna. I should probably tell her that.
I stood up abruptly. “I need to go and talk to Luna. Can you two work on the lyrics for a bit?”
“Sure.” Reed turned away from me, entirely focused on Felix, anyway.
I went to find Luna. She was in one of the smaller rooms in the warehouse, playing her guitar. I waited for the song to end, smiling at the soft glow on her face that only occurred when she was playing music or having sex with me. I was very happy to be on par with music in her mind.
When she finished, she looked up at me and smirked. “Dear lord. I thought you were some kind of frightening mountain specter. Why are you staring at me like that?”
I closed the door behind me.
“No, really, why do you look so weird?”
“Luna.” I struggled to find the words, now that I was here. Funny, since I’d been struggling with the lyrics, too.
“You’re freaking me out.”
“Just, chill, okay? I’m trying to figure out what to say... I’ve not done this before.”
“O-okay.”
“Luna. You were worried about my reaction to the pregnancy, that I didn’t seem worried, that I seemed happy about it. I didn’t really get it at the time, but I do now. I haven’t really told you how I feel about you. Not properly. And I realize you probably need the extra reassurance, since I fucked you over so badly when we were last together... So, I’m going to try and say it all now, so there isn’t any question in your mind of my feelings. Okay?”
“Sure.”
“I need you to know that... it was only ever you, Luna. For me, I mean. All this time, I’ve never met anyone I connected with like you, who I could spend every waking minute with and never get bored. I think I understand why you’re worried when I laugh or smile about things... I think you’re worried that I’m not serious about us. Because I haven’t said those exact words. So, I’m saying them now. I’m serious about us, Luna. Deadly serious. And, not to be intense, but whatever you want from me, you can have. I would love to parent this child with you. I can honestly think of nothing else that would make me happier. I love you, deeply, and in some way I always have. I will love our child more than you can even imagine. I’d spend the rest of my life with you, Luna. Maybe you don’t want that, I don’t know, but either way, I don’t want you to doubt that I wanteverything.”
Luna’s eyes were wide open.
“Is that... does that answer your questions?”
She blinked. “I hear you... loud and clear.”
She seemed a little dazed, so just to drive the message home, I crossed the room, wrapped my hands around her hips and dipped her backwards on her chair so I was holding her aloft, and kissed her firmly on the lips. She melted into me, her neck swinging backwards so I had to support it with one hand. When I opened my eyes, she was smiling up at me with something like wonderment.
