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The sun spills its molten light across the tarnished wooden floors of my beloved "Surf S'up!" as I amble in, spotting Dan and Jace waiting. We share a brotherly greeting, their sunny surfers’ dispositions high and bright. However, I know I bear the weight of an apology, an explanation I owe my comrades.
“Hey guys,” I start, gripped by an inexplicable anxiety. I ignore the twinge in my gut and plow ahead.
"Long time no see, Z man!" Dan announces, laughing with happiness as he comes to greet me.
"Hey, guys." I reach my arms above my head and scratched my neck.
“I owe you both an explanation…" I pause, my gaze flitting from Jace's weathered expression to Dan’s relaxed stance.
Jace, the thoughtful one, quirks his eyebrow, allowing the silence to stretch for a couple of agonizing seconds before breaking it. “You've been swallowed whole by that refurbishing project, Zak,” he offers, his voice encasing an undertone of concern. “And knowing you, I bet you put all your sweat and blood into it, didn’t you?” A shared smile twitches at his lips, reminiscent of our countless surf battles under the sun.
"Yeah, Z, don't sweat it," Dan chimes in, his ever-laid-back surfer's demeanor lending the tense moment a breather, "We're your ride-or-die, crew, man. We're here for you through the highs and lows."
Gratitude washes over me, swarming the anxiety that had me in its vice-like grip. Emotion wells within me and renders me speechless. For years we have been each other's lifelines. We might not share our blood, but we share countless moments, tie-dye sunsets, and an unbreakable brotherhood.
A bolt of excitement sparks within me as the tension gradually fades. The waves curling on the horizon call, and our shared love for surfing senses their melody. I propose we hit the beach, taking advantage of a perfect sunny day reminiscent of our carefree childhood years.
We take to the waves with the ease and familiarity of life-long soul surfers. The sea sprays jewels as we cut through the azure sheet, domes of aquamarine breaking over our heads. Bursting waves of laughter echo against the cliffs, a single symphony accompanied by the rhythm of the sea and our joy-filled shrieks.
Eventually, the adrenaline rush subsides, and we bob on our surfboards in the tranquil, gleaming water. The sun looms high overhead, its golden rays casting dancing specks on the cerulean droplets cascading from our bodies, and the moment seems perfect. The silence is profound, broken only by the distant crashing of the waves. I know I have to let them in on my secret.
“Guys,” I begin, breaking the mesmerizing silence, “I have something to confess… and it's not easy for me to say.” Their responses shut off as they shift uncomfortably on their boards, squinting against the glaring sun to focus on me.
“I've been seeing someone,” I announce, my voice but a whisper against the expansive bay. “And… it's Izzie. Dave's daughter.”
Silence hangs ripe between us as confusion furrows their brows, processing the gravity of what they'd just heard. Their initial shock slowly masks into a quiet understanding. Dan ithe first to break the silence; his voice softened. "Wow, that's… that's some seriously heavy stuff, Z." He lets out a low whistle.
Jace's concern flickers in his ocean-deep eyes as he turns to me. “You think we should let Dave know? The man deserves to know, Zak."
Dan shoots Jace a stern look, reminding him, “Hey, this isn't ours to spill. Zak’s going to have to be the one to tell Dave.” He then turns back to me, his voice filled with the wisdom of years. "Just…make sure you know what you're doing with Izzie, Zak. You gotta be sure about this.”
An assuring nod from both, the sea shimmering with the understanding they are emitting, reinforces their loyalty to me. Despite the change, they still view me as their brother. “You know, Zak, Izzie's smart, she's an adult, and honestly,” Dan adds, casting a side glance at me, “Dave would rather see her safe with someone he trusts.”
"See, that's the thing," I admit. "I don't know if I want to be with her; I don't know if I can be with her, if I can be with anyone."
Dan slumps his arm around my shoulder. "You're not broken, man; you deserve to be happy."
I wince. He somehow reads all my fears.
Since I injured myself, I have never been the same. I've been bitter, mean, angry. I've not allowed myself a space for love.
Would I be able to put that aside and be the guy that Izzie deserves? Am I even the guy that she wants?
I sigh. I don't know how we've managed to get ourselves into such a mess. But, I look over to both Jace and Dan; with these guys by my side, I know I'll be alright. Yeah, I think I'll be just fine.
As the heavens start harboring shades of evening, my anxiety seems to deflate. Their empathy and support helps me brave this tidal wave of confusion and uncertainty. These are my brothers, my family, orbiting my world no matter the circumstances. For them, I’m just Zak – a surfer, a dreamer, and a companion. We are tides of the same sea, carrying the essence of brotherhood that waves higher with every tide, stronger with every storm.
I decide to head to the house I am rebuilding. I have a feeling I knew who I would find there, and I am desperate to see her.
Izzie
My gaze falls onto the pregnancy test laid discreetly in the drawer. The symbol glows like an Olympic torch under my quiet scrutiny. Its meaning is loud and fierce. Ignoring it has become tougher each day, but I’ve managed, somehow, to stuff the reality away like Dad's old baseball jerseys in the attic. But the dream I once thought I could hide is growing into a loud reality.
After the craziness of last night, I managed to get back to sleep. Seeing Zak's concern about me made me fall for him a little more. I dreamed about giving birth, a stark reminder of the situation I am currently in. By my calculations, I’m around 10 or 11 weeks pregnant. It’s time to face this reality. This is really happening.
I punch in '10-week pregnant ultrasound' on my laptop and click on the first search result. According to the website, the first ultrasound between weeks 8-12 is critical to check the baby's growth and confirm the due date. I should be scheduling one… now! I can’t be passive about this anymore. This is happening.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the weight around my heart lighten just a bit. It feels like taking control of the pitcher's mound after a relentless inning. I’m finally going to take some action. I’m finally accepting that this is happening.
