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Daniel nodded at me and I mouthed, “thank you,” to him. After we finished up our lunch, we grabbed ice cream and then Harper went back up on Daniel’s shoulders as we made our way to the market. It was really busy with everyone there for the competition, and I was glad Harper was up on his shoulders and not clinging to my hand. The closest thing to big crowds back home was the county fair, but this was different.
At one point, a group of teenagers pushed through us, separating me from Daniel and Harper. I clutched my bag to my chest and took in a deep breath, unsure why, but feeling like I was having an anxiety attack. I stumbled forward, everything growing fuzzy for a moment, until I felt Daniel’s hand in mine. I looked up at him and he nodded to the side, pulling me through the crowd to a small empty outlet. He took Harper from his shoulders and set her down, keeping her hand in his as he tilted my chin upward.
“Are you okay?”
I closed my eyes for a moment, taking in two deep breaths, slowly letting them out. When I opened my eyes again, Daniel was right there, and the panic began to subside. I pulled a bottle of water from my bag and took several sips.
“What’s wrong, mommy?”
I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea what was wrong. Daniel quickly turned to Harper. “Mommy didn’t drink enough water and the sun made her too hot for a second. But see, the color is back in her cheeks and she’s all good.”
Harper came up to me and I knelt down. She put her hands on my cheeks and I could feel their stickiness. “Do you need some more ice cream?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “No thank you. I’m all better now.”
Harper grinned and gave me a kiss before Daniel helped me back up. “You wanna hang out here for a second?”
I shook my head, looking around. “No, I think I’m okay.”
He eyed me for a moment and then nodded, hoisting her back up on his shoulders. I followed behind pausing as he turned back and put his hand out to me. I looked at it for several moments before taking it, instantly feeling safe again. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew everything about what I was doing was a big bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself. If it was such a bad thing then why did it feel so damn right?
We walked through the market, looking at the different booths, trying on ridiculous sunglasses, and Daniel bought Harper a small unicorn toy from one of the stands. I wasn’t big on people showering the kid with gifts, but I could see it was something he really wanted to do, and not to have her like him, the kid was already hooked, but because he seemed to genuinely like her. He seemed to really enjoy playing with her and listening to her tell stories.
By the time we had made it back to the beach, satchel dinner in tow from the burger joint on the way, I had thrown caution to the wind and was just enjoying my time. I was tired of fighting that day. And while I wasn’t openly throwing myself at him, I was pushing back the fear and confusion, allowing myself to be around Daniel and enjoy my time with him.
“I doubt there will be an umbrella seat left, but the sun is going down soon so I should be okay. I can just grab the blanket from the car…”
Daniel shook is head, pointing out the place we had been sitting. As we approached, a kid stood up, putting his hand out and shaking Daniel’s. Daniel pulled his wallet out and handed the kid a wad of cash. “Thanks dude. I appreciate it a lot.”
I shook my head at him, chuckling. “You are ridiculous. But thank you.”
He shrugged, setting Harper down on the blanket. “Hey. I don’t wanna sit in the sand to watch the fireworks. Besides, I had to have someone watch my board.”
I glanced over at his surfboard, almost having forgotten he competed that morning. I smiled and handed Harper her cheeseburger and drink. One thing about my kid that was really helpful, was her ability to entertain herself at a moments notice. As soon as she plopped down with her burger, looking out at the water, she was in her own little world. I sat back in my chair and passed Daniel his food.
“Thanks for what you did back there in the market,” I said quietly. “I’m not sure what came over me.”
He looked at me for a second and reached over, putting his hand on mine. “It looked like an anxiety attack. Have you had those before? I used to get them pretty bad when I was a teenager.”
I took a deep breath and looked up at him, forcing a smile. “I didn’t, until the thing at work. I’ve been having nightmares and that’s usually when it happens. That’s the first time it's happened like that, out in public. But it's also the most people I’ve been around in a while.”
“Have you called any of the counselors?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Actually I’ve been talking to one of them for about a week now. They really help a lot.”
He nodded. “Good. And I’m glad that I could help.”
When he took his hand back to eat, I had an urge to reach out and grab it, but I didn’t. I went with the flow of things, unsure of what I was doing, and knowing there would be repercussions. But right in that moment, as we watched the sun set on the ocean, waiting for the fireworks to begin, I felt my own fireworks exploding in the pit of my stomach.
Fireworks I knew would not go away.
Chapter Thirteen
Daniel
To say that I was on cloud nine would be an understatement. I had never been a love sick puppy in my life, but Sicily turned me to mush. Not just Sicily, but Harper too. That little girl was absolutely amazing. I had been around a lot of little kids in my life, but for some reason, I felt almost connected to Harper. Maybe it was just because of the intense feelings I had for Sicily. No, I didn’t know about her past, or what happened with Harper’s father, or even what her favorite color was, but those things would come with time. I did know, that sitting next to Sicily, being there for her, finally, in the way I wanted to be, felt so perfectly right.
Sicily was guarded, I could tell that right away. But that was okay because she had been through a lot, and she had a little girl to be guarded for. I could be patient, especially after the kind of day we were having. Just being there, the sunset, small beach fires around us, waiting for the fireworks was exciting. I felt like a teenager next to his first crush. I knew I couldn’t be brazen and bold, but that was never my style anyway. I was laid back and chill, the typical surfer dude, with the added bonus of being part owner in a billion dollar tech corporation.
