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I slung myself back around. “And what? You decided, oh, he turned out okay. Big pockets, big company, I’ll just come back now, get him hooked and then bam, I’m in. When were you going to tell me? When we took the relationship to the next level? Move in day? Wedding day? Fifty year reunion?”
Sicily narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “Are you kidding me? You think I came back here knowing you worked for that company? You think I’m, what? Trying to get your money? I had no idea you were here. How would I? You never took the initiative to call me after that night. Amber said she saw you several times and you never even asked about me.I came here to make a life outside of Ohio for me and Harper.”
Her head hung and she breathed deeply, softening her tone. “And then there you were, and there I was. And you came into our lives and I couldn’t turn you away. And every time I knew I should tell you, it was not the right time. But I was going to. Today, in fact. When you got back I was going to sit you down and tell you. But I guess that was taken from me too.”
“Taken from you?” I laughed angrily. “That little girl is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. And she’s just as much a part of me as she is of you. I had a right!”
Sicily nodded. “You did. I was a young mom, trying to do what was right, trying to protect my little girl and it ended up being the wrong decision. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the junior at Berkley you wouldn’t have been so accepting. I don’t know. I can’t go back. But I’ll be damned if you think for one second I want anything from you.”
She was mad, and I could see she was trying to control herself. I didn’t know if I believed what I was saying or not. I didn’t know if I knew Sicily at all. Hell, I didn’t even know I was a father. Everything started closing in on me and I backed up, putting my hands up.
“I can’t do this. You’re not who I thought you were. You’re a perfect stranger. I’m out of here. I’ll be in contact about Harper.”
I turned and clenched my fists, doing everything I could not to turn back. Even as angry as I was, I couldn’t stand to hear the sobs coming from her. I walked out the door and closed it behind me, not stopping. I headed straight back to the rental, finished grabbing my stuff and got in the car.
“Are we going to Ms. Sicily’s?”
I shook my head. “No. I just want to go home.”
“Yes, sir,” he replied, pulling off.
For a split second I actually thought Sicily was home to me. Boy was I fooled.
Chapter Twenty
Sicily
Josie sat across the table from me, poking out her bottom lip. “But you just got here.”
I smiled at her, reading through the email to Clint. “I know. But I think, with the way everything turned out, that this is the best for Harper and me. I could find another job here, but let’s face it, I don’t have any family here, barely any friends, and if things end up…well I don’t know how they plan on ending up with Harper and Daniel, and the whole mess, but I know I’ll need some sort of support system.”
Josie sighed. “I know. I want you to do what’s best for you guys. I’m just gonna miss you and her. Best boss ever. Best kid ever.”
“Best nanny ever. I mean you’re welcome to come back to Ohio but I don’t think you’ll find much surfing out there.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t think I would survive out there. But I’ll definitely come visit. And you’ll probably be out here when…”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m sure at some point.”
Josie got up and stretched. “I’m gonna get back to packing little Harper’s room. She was so sad when your parents came to take her back on the plane.”
“I know,” I replied. “I miss her, but I figured it would be a lot easier getting everything packed for the movers, running errands, sleeping on the floor when the furniture leaves, then sitting around here. And the drive is not fun with a little one. This will give her some time with grandma and grandpa and I can get my emotions in check and a plan in my head.”
Josie gave me a sound nod. “Damn right. Because you are awesome, and everything is going to be okay. One thing about California is once you’ve lived here, you take it with you wherever you go in life.”
She headed off to the room and I glanced out the window at the sunny blue sky, whispering to myself. “Which is exactly the problem.”
I read back through the resignation letter I drafted for Clint for the fiftieth time and then hit the print button. I wanted to get it over with. I had already told him but I wanted to give an official resignation. That and I had a letter to drop to Daniel before I left. I had written and rewritten the thing and it had gone from an emotional dump to a clear and concise message that I wasn’t stealing Harper from him, and that he knew how to contact me. That he was always welcome to see her. It felt almost too generic, but I was pretty sure if I spilled anymore emotions over Daniel, I was going to completely lose it.
It had been two weeks since he found out. Two weeks of no calls, texts, appearances, nothing. It wasn’t like I expected it, but part of me hoped that he would change his mind about me, like Amber had said. I was pretty sure, though, by that point, it wasn’t going to happen. I knew I would see him again, I saw it on his face that he wasn’t going to be without Harper in his life, I just hoped there was enough time between that I could stabilize myself enough to not completely lose it when I saw him.
Losing it had become the name of the game for me. I cried at night. I cried in the shower. I cried in the car. I was a wreck. And the things he said to me had cut me deep. I knew he was confused and angry and I knew that I probably would have questioned those things too if I were him, but I really thought he knew me a little better than that. I guess not, and part of that was my fault too. I had kept him at bay, too afraid to really get close because somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew it was coming. I always knew that one day I’d be packing up my stuff, moving back to Ohio, hand crushed in a bag around my neck.
But dropping the letters off would be the last thing I did before I left. I had a few things left to pack up for the movers and then I would head out in the morning. My heart hurt for so many reasons, but Daniel was the biggest one. The main reason I was going back to Ohio was for Harper. To give her family and love during all of this stuff. But a small part of it was also because I knew I couldn’t stay there and rebuild. I built the little bit of time I had there with Daniel at the center of most of it. I knew everywhere I looked, I would think of him. He was too close. The pain was too close.
I signed the letter to Clint, sealed it and wrote his information on the front, setting it on top of the letter for Daniel before heading back to packing. Anything to keep him off my mind. Just one more night and I could give my heart the distance it needed to maybe, if it was even possible, start to heal. At least I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder every five seconds. Without Daniel, I no longer felt safe. Now all I needed was to not feel at all.
Daniel
