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I took a gulp of my beer. “I don’t know Sicily like I thought. I mean, we were just getting to know each other on a history level, but as a person, deep down, I really thought she was…”
“Perfect?” Ryder interjected.
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
He shook his head, motioning to the bartender for another one. “Man, you are not new on the block. You know damn well there isn’t a perfect woman out there. It’s not about the mistakes she makes, or made, it’s about how she feels about it now. How she is now.”
“I don’t know, that’s a pretty big mistake.”
Ryder scoffed. “Please. You’re telling me, four years ago, a Junior at Berkley, you were ready to be a daddy? You would have accomplished all these things, been open arms, ready to jump on in with no money in your pocket, your brain drowning in beer and women, and no idea who you really were. I’ll be honest, put in the situation she was in, I probably would have made the same choice.”
“Okay, but what about this huge coincidence that she just happened to get a job with our company?”
Ryder smacked his lips, waving me off. “It is a coincidence. I’m the one that forwarded her resume to Clint. I didn’t know who she was, but a head hunter sent me her resume. She didn’t even apply for the position until we reached out to her. She had no idea you worked for the company.”
I froze with my beer mug an inch from my lips. “What?”
Ryder nodded. “I didn’t even realize and put it all together until I walked past her office one day and asked Clint if she was the resume I sent over. I thought it was humorous, but you already knew she was there, and I didn’t think it was pertinent information.”
I set my glass down, suddenly feeling like a complete asshole for saying those things to her. “But what about the fact that we spent all that time together and she could have told me but she didn’t.”
Ryder nodded. “Look man, you can be mad about a lot of things. You have that right. I’d be a bit perturbed. But what was she going to do, tell you cuddled naked in the bed? While you watched fireworks? Over text? The girl wasn’t probably even sure she should tell you until she knew for sure you were who she hoped you were. When it all comes down to it, life is not black and white. We can make big mistakes, hurt someone, and all with the best intentions, and still have a relationship afterward. It’s about what you’re willing to forgive, what you’re not, and if you want to be with her.”
I sat staring at my drink, knowing the answer to that question already. One of the reasons I was so miserable was because I wanted nothing more than to just be with her. I knew she was still Sicily. I knew that she may or may not have handled the situation the best way, but it was complicated. It wasn’t a simple situation to handle. And with Ryder making me look at it from another angle, I was starting to see that Sicily was in a really tough position on her end of things too.
I opened my mouth to talk and shut it again. Ryder laughed. “You should have talked to me three weeks ago. You might have saved yourself some heartache and pain.”
“What I do about it now? I mean she’s gone.”
“Bro, you’re a fucking billionaire. You find her, tell her you love her, hug your little girl, and put the pieces back together again. If she felt for you how you feel for her, she’s miserable too. She’s dreaming of a fantasy world where you come to your damn senses and allow yourself to be freaking happy for once.”
I nodded, a spark of excitement cutting through the thick cloud of angst inside of me. “Maybe you’re right. I didn’t even think of it from her point of view. And I guess you’re right. Me four years ago would have run screaming at the idea of a responsibility like a baby. I didn’t give it any thought with Harper though. It just clicked.”
“And it clicked with Sicily too, right?”
I nodded, a smile moving over my lips. “The easiest thing in the world. The hardest part of the whole situation has been forcing myself to hate her.”
Ryder slapped me hard on the shoulder. “Be happy damnit. But know this, if you are going to forgive, you have to truly forgive. You have to go there ready to never use it as fodder in a fight. You have to truly move forward, otherwise it will never work. And you have to apologize for being a dick. I mean I don’t know if you were, but knowing you, and your pigheaded brain, you probably said all kinds of dumb shit to her.”
I cringed. “Yeah. Accusing her of being a money grubber was probably not one of my better moments. But I can apologize and I know she’ll understand.”
Glancing down at my watch, I realized it was quarter after ten. I had no idea what I was going to do to get her back, especially being so far away, but I knew I had to start working on it and pronto. I didn’t want another moment to go by without her in it. Or at least without her knowing I was a bit shortsighted, and that regardless of all of it, she was the woman I wanted. It was amazing how quickly all that pain could switch to hope. Then again, the switch from in love to miserable was in a very painful blink of an eye.
I pulled my wallet out and threw some cash down on the bar. Standing up, I put my hand on Ryder’s shoulder and nodded. “Thanks, man. You just might have saved my entire future with one come to Jesus moment.”
He grunted, watching the screen. “Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation of an asshole to uphold over here. Can’t have these people thinking I’m some sort of softy in touch with my emotions.”
I put my hand over my heart. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
Hurrying from the bar, I jumped in the car and smiled big at my driver. “Back to Ryder’s. I wanna grab my stuff and then head to my house.”
“Very good,” he replied pulling off.
As we drove he looked in the mirror and cleared his throat. “Did you decide to be happy?”
I thought about his words carefully, realizing he worded that question perfectly. All that time I was choosing, even fighting at times to be absolutely miserable. But opening my eyes was also making the choice to move forward, to be happy. I had the ability to control my own happiness.
I nodded at him. “I sure as hell did.”
