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"He's been trying to do that since I moved," I chuckled. "I'm not fighting him on that now."
Ryder smiled sadly at me and took a deep breath. "The media has been all over everything. I told them when you were feeling better, and up to it, we would talk with them together, but not until then."
I reached my hand out and touched Ryder's. "I don't think we need to do that. Ryder, let's be serious. You walked into this agreement with me, trying to help me. I had blinders on, thinking I could make the lie work. I could just get through. I'm not blaming you for what happened, it's not your fault, but I can't do any of this anymore. I'm going to talk with my father and explain. I have pushed myself to walk into a situation where I could have died, all to get the CEO position."
Ryder shook his head. "You couldn't have known…."
"You're right. But regardless, it happened, and I can't deal with anything else. I just want my life back from this, and I know it won't come easily."
"But this is the time to face them together," he said. "To really be united."
"I don't want any more lies," I whispered, tears pulling at the corners of my eyes. "Look, this should be a load off for both of us."
Ryder shook his head, his face showing pain, something I didn't expect. "Amber, I would never let anything hurt you like this again."
I pulled my emotions back. "I know. And I appreciate it. But you are freed from that responsibility. You don't have to pretend anymore. And neither do I."
I held my breath, watching as hurt crossed Ryder's face. I knew there was more between us than the lie, but I couldn't do any of it anymore. I was terrified. I was tired. And I didn't know how to not care about Ryder anymore. I didn't know how to pretend like I was pretending anymore.
He stood up and took a deep breath, nodding. "I understand."
The nurse walked in. "Hey lovebirds, time for those meds."
Ryder leaned down and kissed my forehead before hurrying out the door. As soon as he was out of sight, I rolled over on my side and let the tears come. The nurse rubbed my back but didn't know what to say. I didn't even know what to say. All I knew was saying goodbye to Ryder was the hardest thing I had ever done. I tried not to have feelings for him. I wanted to separate it all, but I couldn't. I fell for him, and I fell hard, but I was too afraid to keep moving forward. I was scared of all of it.
Letting him go was the best choice. He had one thing right, building walls was a lot easier than letting people in.
Chapter Eighteen
Ryder
I plopped down in the overstuffed chair in Guy's living room, letting my duffle bag fall to the floor next to me. Guy was sitting on the couch, his feet up on his coffee table, watching football on his enormous flatscreen. Guy was the only one out of all of us that had decided not to buy a condo or a house on the water. Instead, he went to an upscale neighborhood, purchased a home, and made it comfortable. It was far from a bachelor pad since he had money and hired a decorator, but it definitely reflected Guy’s taste.
His collectibles were up in cases on the walls, the sports jerseys he owned pinned up in shadow frames, and signed footballs, baseballs, and hockey sticks in cases throughout. I always felt comfortable at his place. I looked over at him. "Thanks for letting me crash here while they go through my apartment with a fine-toothed comb."
"I hope you hid your old lady porn really well," he said with a smirk.
"I gave that back to you ages ago," I replied. "You left it at my place, but wrinkles and sags aren't my thing."
He chuckled, reaching down and clicking off the game rerun he was watching. "How are you doing?"
I shrugged, my arms dangling over the chair. "I'm tired. I'm tired of this douchebag getting in the way of our lives, and I'm ready for a vacation."
Guy leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands in front of him. "Yeah, I think we all are. So how are you holding up after the whole breakdown of the fake marriage?"
A lump immediately formed in my throat. I was doing terribly. It had been four days since I had seen Amber, and I was miserable every second. But the last thing I wanted was to get a lecture from the guys about it. So I shrugged again, my eyes staring at the blacked-out television screen. "I'm relieved it's done and over with. It was stressful for sure. And then, on top of it, my unfortunate stalker decided to take shit out on her. It sucks we won't get that contract, but it's nice to get back to my life."
I was lying through my teeth, and when I looked over at Guy, I could tell he wasn't completely buying what I was saying. Guy was good at seeing through the bullshit, but he was also good at not poking into things that he didn't think were his to poke at. Of course, he was my friend, and I didn't mind him asking questions or calling me out, but right then, I was glad he changed the subject.
"So, have they found anything so far?"
I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "No fingerprints or hair. They got a boot print from my house, in the blood. They think he ran out of time to get rid of it, but it's a random boot sold at most major retailers. It’s a size ten, which is very common. There was nothing in it, no gravel, dirt, nothing. The strands of fabric they found on Amber came back as a polyester blend, and crossing that with her account of his robes, it could be a million things. He could have hand-sewn it. The only similarity is that the mask Amber saw matched up with Sicily's description of the mask the guy who tried to snatch her daughter was wearing."
Guy shook his head. "This guy is good. I know it's not much to go on but it's more than we've ever had before. What about the handwritten note to Amber?”
I shook my head. "The kid wrote it himself. Says some guy approached him on the street and asked him to write it. He described the guy and showed the cops where they talked, but seriously, it could be anyone in San Diego. And he could have been wearing a disguise."
"Might not even be him," Guy said. "This guy sounds too calculated to take the chance of being seen and described."
