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But now, she let the verse she’d memorized as a teen come into focus.There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.
Janessa knew she couldn’t go through life making decisions based on fear, whether it was her relationship with Will or not getting into a car when winter conditions made driving hazardous.
The latter part of that verse was definitely true for her. The fear in her heart had left her tormented, not at peace. Was she willing to let go of the fear?
Janessa knew, though, that as a Christian, she really had no choice.
Fear meant that she didn’t trust God. If she truly believed that God would always be with her, then she wouldn’t fear what was to come. She had to trust in His love for her. Not to keep bad things from happening, but to be there for her when they did.
Believing in God had been easy. Trusting God? Oh, she could see now that she’d always really struggled with that. And it felt like this situation with Will was the biggest struggle in trusting God she’d faced.
Janessa took a deep breath, trying to loosen the tightness in her chest. She clenched her hands together, not surprised to find them shaking.
It felt like it would take more strength than she had to place her trust completely in God, even though she knew that her strength was in the Lord. She knew so much about the aspects of living a Christian life, but she was discovering that knowing was not doing, and God required her to do.
To take that step of faith and trust Him in all areas of her life.
Why did that have to be so hard?
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Will sat in his wheelchair situated against the back wall of the sanctuary. It was his first time at church since the accident. He hadn’t been sure about coming, but it was the children’s Christmas program, and he hadn’t missed one since his dad had become the pastor.
There had been a steady stream of people who’d stopped to speak with him, expressing their joy at seeing him there and letting him know that they were praying for him. Will had certainly felt those prayers as he’d dealt with his injuries. He’d gone for follow-up x-rays a couple of days ago, and Gareth had said he was healing well, even better than he’d expected.
His arm cast should come off in the week after Christmas, but his leg would still require a cast for another three weeks or more. His leg had taken the brunt of the impact in the accident, just like Janessa’s leg had for her, from what Jay had told him.
Eva sank down on the chair beside him and rested her hand on his arm. “Darling, it’s so wonderful to see you here. How are you feeling?”
“It’s been a bit of a struggle, but I’m getting there.” He couldn’t be anything but honest about what he’d gone through. People only had to look at him to know that he wasn’t exactlyfine.
“We’re just so thankful that you and Janessa are both still with us.”
“We’re glad too.”
People at the church weren’t aware that he and Janessa had broken up because neither of them had been to church since the accident had happened. If they’d been attending the services but not sat with each other, the rumors would have been flying.
He had no idea if Janessa was going to be at the program that evening. When he’d talked to Jay, he hadn’t known either, but Layla and Peyton were both in the program, so there was a good possibility that she’d show.
After giving him a one-arm hug, Eva got up and went to where her daughter stood talking to another woman. There was no sign of her grandson, but Noah rarely put in an appearance at church beyond the Sunday morning service unless there was something that needed to be fixed.
The sanctuary was filled to capacity for the program, but by the time his dad got up to welcome everyone and introduce the program, there was still no sign of Janessa. Everyone else in the Halverson family who was currently in town was there. They’d all stopped to talk with him, but no one had said anything about Janessa.
It had been the hardest thing in the world to not ask about her. For some reason, he hadn’t been able to resign himself to their relationship really being over. He’d continued to pray that God would help her overcome her fears because now that they had invaded her life, it would be hard for her to live as fully as she otherwise could.
And yes, there was a bit of selfishness behind his prayers because he hoped she might give them a second chance. He missed her terribly. It felt like he’d been existing in a thick fog since she’d broken up with him.
Everything he’d had to deal with since the accident would have felt more tolerable if he and Janessa had been dealing with it all together. Instead, he just felt broken emotionally as well as physically.
Knowing church wasn’t the place to get caught up in his feelings, Will focused his attention on the front of the sanctuary as the lights dimmed slightly everywhere but the platform. A small group of young children filed onto the beautifully decorated stage.
He had memories of being up on the stage at that age. He’d never wanted a solo part, but he’d loved singing the songs with the rest of the kids.
It was hard not to long for those simpler days, when his biggest upset was when his mom didn’t give him what he wanted in his lunchbox.
There was movement beside him, and Will prepared to smile at whoever had taken the empty seat next to him. He wasn’t sure why no one had sat there yet, especially since the sanctuary was full, but he suspected it had something to do with people assuming the seat was for Janessa.
His smile froze when he saw that even though he hadn’t saved the seat for Janessa, she was the one sitting beside him. She tucked her crutches beside her in the seat, then clasped her hands in her lap, all without looking at him.
