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She bent her knees and hugged them close to her chest. The cat gave him the side eye before he jumped off the sofa and stalked away.
“I-um, Sawyer, I don’t want to do that now.”
He knew what she meant. “You think I came here just for sex?” Why did that piss him off when it was a natural conclusion considering that’s what he usually visited her for. Especially after that conversation in the supply closet at Circle Left.
“Yes.”
“I came to check on you, Birdie.” He ran a hand down her hair, tugging the end of the tail she’d pulled it into.
She looked at him, her gray eyes serious. “I want to say something before you go, Sawyer.”
“Okay, and I don’t have to go. We could just talk. Do you want a tea or something?” Sawyer realized he didn’t even know what her favorite drink was. In fact, he knew nothing about her other than she liked to please everyone and was the most responsive woman he’d ever had in his bed… her bed. Birdie had never stepped a foot inside his house.
And yet she knew stuff about him because she’d asked.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” The words were whispered. “I-I need someone who wants to be seen with me. Someone who wants to be with me and share my life.”
He felt an instant denial that he swallowed down at her words.
“We both went into this knowing the rules, Birdie. To start with, it was a onetime thing, but we’ve brought it back to Lyntacky, and you seemed happy with that.”
“I understand that, but I’ve changed my mind. I spent some time thinking about what I want to do with my life when I got home tonight, Sawyer.”
“Don’t make decisions drunk.”
“I sobered up with coffee.” Her smile held no humor. “I want more. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty secret.” Her hands were wrapped tight around her legs now.
“I told you that you’re not a dirty secret.”
“I know that this, what we’ve become, is just as much my fault as yours,” she continued, as if he’d not spoken. “But I can’t do it anymore. I’ve decided I’m going to travel and visit my brothers and Blue Jay.”
“Just like that?”
She nodded. “Now the debt is paid, I can.”
He’d done it to give her freedom, and now she was leaving him. The thought of not seeing her made him cold inside.
“I’ve been doing some research tonight, and I want to do a postgraduate medical training in homeopathy.”
“You never mentioned wanting to study, or in that field.” His head was spinning. If she went away, it could be for years. He wouldn’t see her. Wouldn’t know if she was safe. Who would look out for her?
Her laugh held no humor. “The only time we’ve ever talked was in that bar, Sawyer. We don’t talk here, after sex, unless it’s me asking you questions, and we don’t talk anywhere else because no one knows about us. I mean, they think they do, but they don’t.”
“So, you’ve decided to leave Lyntacky and travel. Plus study?” He felt cold all over. She was going, and he had to let her because he was an idiot.
She nodded.
“I care about you, Sawyer, but you can’t give that back to me, so I’m stopping this before it really hurts.”
“Birdie—”
“I need to do this. Need to travel and become a better version of me. I’ve been hiding here, Sawyer. It’s time to leave.”
He got to his feet because he didn’t know what else to say. Didn’t know how to tell her what was inside him. Was he just feeling this way because she was going, and he couldn’t touch her anymore?You know better than that.
“I just want to say one more thing before you go, Sawyer.”
“What?” The word came out gruff as he looked down at her for the last time.
