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“Let her go.” The words were spoken softly. “Don’t let Jolena stop you from loving someone and having a future together. You are a man with a lot to give. Stop hiding from that like I hide because I’m too scared to step into the world out there.”
But you’re not my future.
“When will you go?” The words sounded calm, but inside he was far from that. Inside he was ice cold. Fear had shut him down. She was leaving him.
“I don’t know. I haven’t made plans but there are things I want to do with my life now.”
He nodded. “Okay. If you need anything, let me know.”
Stay and talk to her.
“I won’t, but thanks.”
He looked down at her while inside his head he waged a war with himself. The coward won.
“See you around, Birdie.”
“Sure. See you, Sawyer. Be happy.”
He walked out of the house and got into his pickup. Backing down the drive, he then headed for home.
When he reached his house, Sawyer let the dogs out. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, he walked down to the water’s edge and sat. He drank until he couldn’t think about Birdie McAllister anymore. When he staggered upright hours later as the sun rose, the dogs followed, walking with him until he found his bed. Only then did they curl up in theirs.
The pounding on his door woke him, that and his dogs’ high-pitched barking.
“Hello, babies, Nana’s here. I have bones.”
Sawyer moaned as he rolled over. Opening his eyes hurt, so he closed them again.
“Here you go, outside now,” his mother said.
He then heard her footsteps getting closer. Sawyer put a pillow over his head and prayed she left.
“Why are you still in bed, Sawyer? It’s midday. Are you sick?” The pillow was raised.
“Go away, Mom.”
The whiskey bottle rolled off the bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. The silence that followed was brief and thick with unspoken questions.
“Shower now, and I’ll make you some breakfast,” Robyn Duke said in her all-business voice. “Move, Sawyer.”
“Can’t I just stay here today?” He sounded pathetic but didn’t care. “Please, Mom.”
“No.” He heard her walk into his bathroom and turn on the shower. She stomped around the room, opening drawers. “I have put clean clothes in there. Now move it.” His door shut. At least she didn’t slam it.
He had two choices. Stay here and have her come in and talk at him until he did as she asked or get in the shower and face her with coffee in front of him.
Sawyer slowly sat up.
“Shit.” He clutched his head as needles of pain shot through it. Taking several deep breaths, he got upright and into the bathroom. Stripping off the clothes he’d slept in, he stumbled into the shower.
The water felt good running over his head. Laying his cheek on the tiled wall, he let the memories of last night filter back into his head. Birdie was leaving Lyntacky. She didn’t want to be his dirty secret.
Thinking about her and how much he’d hurt her made his head ache, so Sawyer shut off the water and got out. Cleaning his teeth nearly had him throwing up. But at least he was washed, and his breath smelled okay. His mother was big on that.
Looking in the mirror, he studied his bloodshot eyes and wondered where the hell everything had taken a wrong turn. He never drank to get drunk anymore, but last night he’d done just that.
His eyes settled on the tattoo. The name was almost gone. The woman who had controlled his life from afar was no more a part of him. Birdie and his family were right. He’d let Jolena force him into the shadows and stopped him from loving another woman.
