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“May I hold your hand from time to time? People who are in love often do that. My parents did up until they died. My grandparents held hands, too.”
Lauren heard a sudden lurch of pain in Alex’s low voice. Saw sudden anguish in his eyes but it was gone as swiftly as it had arrived. He was good at hiding too, she thought. “Yes, that’s fine. Just… not all the time…,” because she might get used to it, and the reality was that it was undercover work.Pretend. Not real. Fake.
“Yes, I will be mindful of it,” he said. The change in Lauren was staggering. She’d gone from being a Harpy Eagle, the large eagle that killed monkeys in South America, one of the most aggressive of all predators, to a terribly exposed, stripped, vulnerable woman. This was who hid behind those powerful walls she’d erected. Alex found himself enamored with the real Lauren. She was hesitant. Unsettled. Not boldly confident like before. He saw her casting adrift, upset, her emotions clearly etched into her lovely gray eyes. Wincing inwardly, Alex stared at her soft, wide mouth. Right now, her lips were compressed, as if holding back words, maybe emotions. Alex wasn’t sure.
“Is there any way I can help you?” he asked, searching her eyes, wanting so much to stop hurting her. “To take away your pain?”
Lauren managed a derisive half laugh. “I wish you could, but you can’t.” And then, more darkly, “No one can help me. What’s done is done. We just need to move on, focus on the op.” The tender look Alex gave her damn-near unstrung the massive control she was holding over herself. Why did he have to be so damned open? So readable? Such a good human being? A man who would give his life so others might live? Her view of him was changing minute-by-minute.
“Very well,” he said, his voice husky with emotion. “But you tell me if you need something, Lauren? I do not wish to continue making you feel pain by my presence.”
Wearily, she walked over and picked up her rifle, checking its chamber and then safing it, before she pulled the strap across her shoulder. “Come on, we’ve got a lot of stuff to get done before we leave. Gage will have the receptionist give us our new identities, credit cards, driver licenses, and all that stuff. We need to commit it all to memory.”
Alex forced himself to move toward her. He could see Lauren working through her fear, standing her ground, allowing him to come closer to her than he ever had before. “I am sorry,” he whispered, meaning it, holding her gray gaze. “I wish… I wish things were different between us.”
Lauren shook her head. “So do I. Come on, we got a ton of things to do before we’re wheels-up.”
CHAPTER 4
Alex thought he’dprobably looked like a deer caught in the headlights, staring as he had at the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He stood in the lobby of Shield five hours later, waiting on Lauren’s imminent arrival. She had gone home to her apartment to dress and pack. And he didn’t know what to expect. When she walked in through the sliding glass doors in a pearl-gray linen pant suit with a white silk tee beneath it, her eyes were still the first thing he looked at. They were a dove-gray, black pupils huge, a thin crescent of black around her irises, emphasizing their luminosity. Her hair was swept up and twisted around at the back of her head, a long, curved silver comb studded with white pearls holding it all in place. Soft crimson tendrils touched her temples. The silver-stud earrings with white pearls set in them made her look elegant.A model.Alex had seen some magazines on racks in the grocery store and he thought Lauren could be on the front cover of any of them. She was simply breathtaking.
Lauren saw the look in Alex’s eyes as she arrived with her white leather purse over her left shoulder. She felt nervous, stomach fluttery, beneath the heated inspection he gave her. There was no missing how she affected him. And, for whatever reason, over the past few hours, she had made a little bit of internal peace with Kazak. He was a hero. He wasn’t a turncoat, as she’d previously thought. And he was no longer dressed in cammo pants and a black t-shirt, either. Instead, a pair of bone-colored chino pants, some comfortable sneakers and a green polo shirt that drew out the emerald tint in his hazel eyes made him ruggedly good-looking. He was clean-shaven, no more of that stubble that had made him look dangerous to her. As Lauren drew near, she caught the scent of what she thought was Ivory soap combining with his male fragrance. It did funny things to her lower body. Sensations she’d never felt before. And, as he dipped his head, his well-shaped mouth drew into a slight smile of admiration as he greeted her.
“You could be on the cover of any fashion magazine,” Alex told her, unable to tear his gaze from hers. Lauren had such long, long legs. Alex wondered what they looked like bare, imagining, and feeling himself begin to react inappropriately. He did not need an erection right now. Not with her. She was a sniper. She’d notice everything.Everything.
“Thanks,” Lauren muttered, lowering her lashes, unable to stand the frank appraisal he gave her. “Stop staring at me like a slobbering dog, okay?” and her lips twitched with irritation. “If we’re supposed to be married, you gotta stop looking at me like I’m meat on the hoof.”
Alex felt heat rush to his face and he had the good grace to give her an apologetic look. “I am sorry. But,” and he gestured toward her where she stood six feet away from him, “you are… you look like the queen of England, wearing her pearls. Truly.”
It was her turn to feel heat in her face because Alex’s cheeks had also turned a ruddy color. “Well,” Lauren managed, “you don’t clean up so bad yourself.” And he didn’t. That polo shirt stretched across his broad shoulders and chest, silently told her just how strong he was. He wore a linen sports coat of the same color as his chinos over the polo shirt. She could tell his biceps were thick, but he was not obtrusively muscled. There was a sprinkling of dark hair peeking out from the neck of his polo shirt.
His masculinity was screaming at her and she felt destabilized by it. This time, however, she wasn’t reacting to him because of his height or size. It was the quiet masculine power that surrounded Alex; as if he could handle any situation, no problem. And gazing up into his square face, his boyish smile curving the corners of his mouth, his crooked nose, his straight black eyebrows across those large, intelligent eyes, all served to make Lauren feel shaky inside. In her lower body she felt a gnawing sensation. Lauren wished she could call Sky. Ask her what was going on with her. Now she regretted never having had a long-term relationship with a man before. Those two boys in high school had cured her of that. Now Lauren felt ignorant of her own body’s behavior, and of how to deal with Alex’s raw admiration that was burning in his eyes for her.
“This is probably a stupid question,” she said, “but have you ever flown first class on an airline before?”
“No.” Alex added with a shrug, “I’m used to helicopters and transports. Not commercial airliners. Is there something I should know?”
“Yeah,” Lauren said wryly, “but I’ll teach you as we go along. Just stick close, and I’ll tell you in a low voice. That way, you’ll look like the savvy traveler you’re pretending to be.”
There was an amused gleam in her gray eyes. Oh, he wanted to stick close, all right. If Lauren could have read his mind, she’d have snapped right back into that aggressive defensive posture of hers. The change in her was startling. Shocking, in the best of ways, for Alex because he’d never seen Lauren all dressed up like this before. He liked her this way. She wasn’t smiling, which was what he wanted more than anything else, but if he couldn’t have that, at least she wasn’t looking at him like he was the bogeyman anymore. And she was softer toward him. Best of all, she had lowered some of those walls she always hid behind. Lauren was now so much more approachable. She was behaving somewhat as she acted with the other Shield employees. Would she ever joke with him? Laugh with him? Alex could hope.
Gage Hunter sauntered out, giving them the once over. “Where’s the ring, Kazak?”
“Oh…,” and Alex grinned bashfully over at Lauren while he dug into the pocket of his sports coat. He drew out a small red jewelry box. “I picked these myself from supply. I hope you like them?” and he opened the lid.
To Lauren’s everlasting shock and surprise, there was a plain silver wedding band within, and a beautiful white pearl engagement ring. The latter would go well with her outfit. He beamed as she came forward.
“How did you know?”
“Know what?” He saw amazement in her eyes as she looked up at him.
“That I was going to be wearing pearls?” and Lauren touched the single strand of them around her neck.
Gage chuckled and ruefully shook his head. “You two are a pair, I gotta tell you. You oughta be doin’ stand-up comedy together,” and he laughed heartily.
Lauren gave Hunter a dirty look. And then, before she could say anything, Alex picked up her left hand, holding it very gently between his long, calloused fingers, and slipped on the first and second ring. Her flesh grew hot, prickles of absolute pleasure tingling throughout her hand anywhere his roughened skin briefly touched hers.
“There,” Alex said, smiling and releasing her long, spare hand, “now you look perfect.”
