AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Carina’s gaze waters. “I’m sorry for bringing up the ski holiday. I know it was a long time ago, and I had no right to be angry with you because I didn’t get to spend time with him.”
She thinks I’m referring to Canada. I have a moment of awareness that I can step away from this, no harm, no foul. She’ll never know.
Evie’s words play in my head.“Let the pieces fall.”
It’s ironic advice for just this moment, and I take it. I take the biggest risk of my life. My heart drums, but I feel a sense of something I’ve experienced before…not panic, precisely, but something different. Something anticipatory. It’s like that moment when someone has shot at you, and you have no idea if the bullet will tear through flesh and bone or miss you altogether. It’s a moment of pure fear and adrenaline. I often think it’s the closest thing to death, that awareness that death is dancing with you, even if only for a moment.
“I killed him.” My words sound hollow.
Carina’s gaze darts around my face, and I watch her smile, narrow her eyes, and shake her head before she removes her hand from my chest. The smile melts away.
“You’re just saying that so I’ll stop searching for his killer.” She’s looking up at me, wanting me to make sense of what I’m saying.
I’m back in the Pits, my arm around his throat as I force the life out of him. I tilt my head back so I don’t have to look at her, so I don’t cave and take it back.
“I was pitted against him. Only one of us…” I don’t get to finish. Her hand connects with my face. The sting is a rush throughout my body. A reminder that I’m very much fucking alive. How I wish it wasn’t so.
“Stop. Just stop. You’re lying. You want me to stop searching for his killer. You think I’ll let this go if you point the finger at yourself.”
Words fail me as I watch her shift from foot to foot as her brain keeps fighting the information. She points a finger at me, blinks, and tears spill. “You take it back right now. You tell me you’re lying.”
I can’t. I exhale a breath of anguish and slightly shake my head.
Her lips wobble, and her gaze glazes over. “Luca,” she says before swallowing. Her chest rises and falls, and the room disappears around us as she comes to terms with what I’m saying.
“I’m sorry.” Two meaningless words that are meant to comfort someone send Carina into a frenzy. A scream I don’t recognize as human leaves her mouth, and she’s in front of me. Wild wide eyes consume me.
“Noooooo! Noooooo!” Her hands grip my shirt. The horror in her eyes has me rooted to the spot.
“I want you to stop lying.” She’s sobbing. “I need you to stop lying.” Her sobs arc through the room with pain as she leans her head against my chest. “I’m begging you. Don’t do this to me. Not you.”
I bite the inside of my jaw as everything inside me screams to take it back. Keep the lie up. I could say that she’s right—I was telling her I killed Francis to make her stop searching for the killer. But it’s like the cork has been popped, and it won’t fit back in. I keep my hands at my side. My fingers curl into fists that send an ache shooting up my arm. The strain on my jaw is what I focus on so I don’t cave.
“I had no choice,” I say. The crown of her head disappears as she steps away from me, releasing my shirt. I can feel the wet patches her tears have left.
She steps back, her hysteria disappearing like a switch has been flipped. Tears continue to stream down her face. “He was so much smaller than you. He was younger and smaller.” She sniffles. Her hand waves up and down my torso. “You are so much bigger. So much stronger.”
She walks in a circle before she stops. “It was Francis.”
My throat restricts, and I swallow. “I know.”
Her eyes widen, and she storms toward me. Her hand hits my face, and the sting burns along my jaw.
“You killed my brother!”
She’s roaring, losing herself in pain that I have no idea what to do with. Her hand repeatedly crashes against my face, and I stand still and allow her to unleash her devastation on me. I deserve every bit of her anguish.
Each slap she lands on me has to be hurting her hands. That’s the only reason I stop her. Gripping both her wrists, I pull her joined hands into my chest. She screams while thrashing against me, trying to break free. When she looks at me, it’s too much; it’s the worst kind of torture to see the destruction I’ve caused, and I release her. She sinks to the floor. Her hands make contact with the ground before her sobs bring her forehead down, and she’s lying on the floor.
My own legs can’t hold me up, and I slowly walk back until I sink to the floor. I sit, arms wrapped around my knees, and I don’t take my eyes off Carina as she howls in unbelievable pain. I don’t take my eyes off her as she beats the floor again. I don’t take my eyes off her as she crumbles before my very eyes.
Chapter 20
Carina
Twenty-Seven Years Old
DearDiary,
