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Anger slowly drips into my system; it’s my anger feeding off hers as she strides toward me.
“No one was trying to gun me down until you showed up.”
“I could say the same about you,” I fire back. “I’ve lost more men since you came back than I have in my lifetime.”
“You went on that ski trip without me and never even thought twice.”
A laugh bursts from my lips. “That was over fifteen years ago. Are you really still mad about that?” I ask incredulously.
“Yeah, I am. Because that’s you. Doing whatever you want, whenever you want.”
Her outburst doesn’t make sense, and I want to reach across the space and cut off her words. I don’t have time for her to start dragging up the past. Everything is in the past for a reason.
“This is stupid,” I finally say. We need to leave.
“This is stupid to you,” Carina yells, getting my full attention. “I could have had that time with my brother.” Her voice catches on the last word. “You had that time with him.”
Guilt slams hard and fast into me. It’s on my tongue. That I took more than a trip away from her—I took him from her. God, if I could turn back the hands of time. The day of the trip, when her father had punished her and wouldn’t let her go, I had shrugged it off, thinking she wouldn’t care. It was only a weekend of skiing in Canada, but clearly, that was time with Francis. I hadn’t known his time was so limited.
“Carina…” I place my hands in my pockets.
She holds up both hands and closes her eyes. “This is so messed up,” she finally says. When she looks at me, she raises her head; something I don’t recognize crosses her features. “My father ordered me to seduce you.” Her voice doesn’t lower or wobble at her confession. “I have orders to ruin your engagement.”
I’m staring at her. She doesn’t flinch as I search for the lie and don’t find it. She was ordered to sleep with me. By her father? I don’t have to ask why; she just said it was to ruin my engagement.
Pain pulsates under my skin. I clap my hands together. Each strike of my hands has Carina flinching. “Well. Done. You. Succeeded.”
She really had me fooled. I fold my arms across my chest like a barrier holding the onslaught of pain back. Her approach on the ship makes sense. How I thought I had sought her out. It was the other way around. Had she even been invited? So many times, I noticed hesitation, but I hadn’t thought it was anything like this.
All the fucking risks I’ve taken for her. I’d have died for her. Walls start rebuilding themselves fast and hard around my heart until I can almost hear the last brick being laid and clicking into place.
“Are you done, or can we leave now?” I ask.
“That’s it?” Carina spits out.
I grin without humor. “What do you want from me, Carina?” I take a step closer. “You want me to cry?” I laugh. “Sorry, sweetheart, but that isn’t going to happen.”
Not now. Not ever.
Carina shakes her head again. “You always shut down and locked me out. Just like when they sent me away. You never fought for me.”
I drop my hands and keep the words I want to say at bay. How I never stopped fighting for her. In ways she couldn’t imagine.
“Yes, my father told me to seduce you, but…” She shrugs. “It was all real for me, Luca.”
A brick falls and crumbles to dust on the ground. Because I know Carina—onlybecause I know her so well—I see her truth. I stand before her, waiting.
“It has always been real with me.” Her mouth drags down at the corners, and fear shoots through me that she might cry. I can’t take her tears, even after her confession. They would still unman me.
I clear my throat of its sudden obstruction. “It’s okay. You leaving was for the best. I became obsessed with the Pits. I’m trying to find a way to shut them down, and I knew having you here would be too much of a distraction.” I take a step closer to her. “I have to end them, Carina.” She has no idea how much. My throat tightens again, and leaving this room seems like a good idea. Some space between myself and Carina seems wise right now.
“I want the same thing you want.” This time, Carina steps up to me. She places a hand on my chest. “They took Francis from me.” Her other hand touches the medallion. “I won’t ever stop, not until I know what happened to my brother. Why it happened.” Her eyes well up. “The Pits took everything from me.”
It’s almost choking me. The truth. The knowledge that I killed Francis. Took his life in the Pits and have kept it hidden all this time from the one and only person I love and will ever love. I want to tell her the truth. I want no more secrets between us. But the real fear of losing her has me stubbornly silent. “The Pits took Francis,” she says again.
It’s like a taunt. I have never had this conversation with her, so I’ve never had to directly lie to her, but now she’s looking me in the eyes, and she deserves so much better than my lies. Blood seems to slip from my veins and pools at my feet as I open my mouth.
“The Pits didn’t take Francis from you.” I’ve just flipped a coin, and I already know which way it’s going to fall before I continue. “It was me.”
