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"Yeah," I said, drawing the word out.
"Well," she said, her body shimming with excitement. "She called me earlier and offered me the lead instructor position!" She bounced a few times, her hands squeezing mine.
My heart skipped a beat. A mix of happiness and dread shot through me. Lead instructor at Lotus Retreats—that was her dream. She'd never hidden it. She'd told me from the moment I asked her to move in with me that this would be temporary, but a part of me hoped over the last few weeks that she'd decided to stay. With me.
I was happy for her. I was excited. But that quickly faded away to the sinking dread in my stomach.
"Wow." I forced a smile. "That's incredible."
"Isn't it?" She beamed at me. "I've only applied for assistant instructor. Never lead, but she wants me—me, Eli—as the lead." She put her hand on her chest, emphasizing me.
"I always knew you'd get the job," I said, forcing cheerfulness into my voice. "When do you leave?" Her smile faltered.
"A week," she murmured. "I know it's sudden, and I totally didn't expect this either, but it's an amazing opportunity."
"A week?" I choked out. My throat tightened. This was all happening so fast. I hated that I couldn't be more excited for her. But after my tidal wave of emotions earlier, and now this, it was too much.
"I know—"
"A week," I repeated. "You're just going to leave and—for how long?" Her face fell at my tone. I tried to calm myself, to show that I was excited for her.
"Six weeks," she whispered, dropping her eyes to our hands. I pulled my hand away and scrubbed it over my chin.
"Six weeks." I shoved to my feet and paced in front of the couch. "Six weeks. You're leaving for six weeks, and—what? You just decided to take the job without even talking to me about it first? You're just going to leave—"
"I have a few days to give her my final answer," she mumbled.
I forced myself to stop. I just needed to breathe. Shoving my hand through my hair, I took a deep breath. And another. Another.
But all the rage that I'd felt earlier, the abandonment and betrayal that was brought up when I saw Drake surged forward again.
Logically, I knew Reagan wasn't abandoning me. I knew she wasn't betraying me. I knew she wasn't Meredith. But in my heart, it felt the same. It felt like I was losing her, just like I lost Meredith, like I almost lost Emma, and I couldn't take it.
"I thought you'd be happy for me," she said quietly. "I thought you'd understand." I blinked at her.
"Understand?" I repeated, my tone bitter. Her gaze met mine, but not even the upset in it could get me to calm down. "I thought you'd understand why I wouldn't want you to fucking go." She flinched at the swear, and I started pacing again.
"Can you just calm down, please?" she said. "Let's just talk about this—"
"There's nothing to talk about," I said, slicing my hand through the air. "You've made your mind up. You're leaving."
Those were the same words I spat at Meredith the night she died, and my heart shattered. Past and present blurred together, and I pinched between my eyes.
"I thought we could make it work," she said. I turned toward her, finding her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
A heavy silence settled between us, the tension thickening to the point of snapping. The next words that slipped from my mouth were like a poison, fueled by resentment and betrayal that had nothing to do with her. "You're just like your fucking sister, Reagan. Always chasing after your own dreams and not giving a shit about who you hurt."
Her mouth parted in shock, and the tears she'd been trying to hold in spilled from her wide eyes. I immediately wanted to take the words back, to soothe the pain I knew I just caused, but I didn't know what to say to fix it. It was too late. The damage was done.
"I can't believe you just said that," she said, her voice breaking as she pushed to her feet. Her body trembled as she tried to push past me.
"Wait—"
She ignored me as she hurried down the hall to her room, the door slamming shut behind her. My chest heaved as I stared after her, wanting to turn back time. Emotions I couldn't even name scorched my chest. My own pain, my insecurities, overflowed and tainted what was supposed to be a happy moment. I ruined everything.
Her door flew open, and I blinked the burning in my eyes away. "Reagan," I rasped, but she ignored me, her body weighed down with her two bags. "Wait."
She shoved past me again, her bag slamming into my chest. I raced after her as she flung the front door open and stormed outside, her shaky hands wiping at her tear-streaked face.
