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"I'm sorry!" I called, but she just slid into her little car, ignoring my words. I ran into the middle of the street as she pulled away from the curb. "I'm sorry." The wind carried my words away as I watched her drive away.
I stood there, staring down the street, my heart heavy with regret. The sun, once bright and hot, had set, bathing my world in a cold darkness I deserved.
Trudging back up the driveway, I let out a pained grunt as I shut the door, trying to hold in my tears. A timer beeped somewhere in the kitchen.
The timer for the cornbread.
Fifteen minutes.
That was all it took to fuck everything up.
28
reagan
I lay curledon Lily's bed, my body sore and aching from the emotions that had consumed me for the last two days. The tears had long-since dried up, leaving me so numb it felt surreal. Like I was in a nightmare and would wake at any moment.
Lily had been my rock through it all, patiently listening to me repeat everything. She held me as I cried and shared my pain—truly shared it. Her unwavering love, her support, had been a lifeline, but the pain inside me was still there. Still banging against my chest, demanding to be felt.
"Why does it still hurt so much?" I murmured, my voice barely above a raspy whisper. My hand pressed against my chest, as if I could push the ache in it away.
Her fingertips brushed over my forehead, pushing my disheveled hair away. "Because you love him," she said softly.
"But it doesn't matter," I croaked. "He—"
"He loves you," she said dryly. I pushed up on my elbow to stare at her. "He hasn't stopped calling and texting you since you left. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't be trying so hard."
"He hasn't come to me," I said, and she let out a breathy laugh.
"Because he doesn't know where you are."
I twisted my lips to the side, knowing she was right. He'd gone to the diner, he said as much in a text. He didn't know where Lily lived, and knowing Mom, she wouldn't tell him, if she even remembered.
"Do you think I'm making the right choice?" I pushed myself all the way up, folding my legs under myself. She leaned back against her iron headboard, her hands resting on her stomach.
"What do you think?"
I huffed out a humorless laugh. "That's not an answer," I said, and she grinned.
"You just don't want to answer it," she said. "You know if you do, you'll have the right answer. And it might not be the one you want, but you know it's the right one."
I stared at her, my throat tightening. I knew she was right. The only thing that had been blaring in my head since the second I stepped out of the house was that I was making a mistake.
The familiarity of Lotus called to me. It felt...safe. But it didn't feel right. Yet choosing Eli was a risk I didn't know if I could take. It was uncharted water. And even if we'd been playing house for the last few weeks, that didn't mean anything.
Once everything became real, once we chose each other over everything else, what would happen then? Would the novelty wear off? Would we realize that we'd made a mistake?
But the thought of leaving him and Emma made me want to die. It opened a hole in my chest and I knew they'd be the only ones to ever fill it. Lotus, other retreats, other men—no one could fill it. Just him. Them.
I think the moment he chose me over my mother was the first time I felt it—my love for him. But when did he feel it? Did he even feel it? He hadn't said it, and that scared me.
What if he never did?
Anxiety churned my stomach, twisting and flipping it. It had been like a permanent tumble since I'd gotten to Lily's. If I wasn't crying, I was puking from the insane amount of anguish coursing through me.
It was all too much.
"Do you think it's too late to call Lorelai?" I asked. Her brows lifted.
